Honestly, I feel like crap. I have been feeling again as though I am really all alone in this world, and my Christianity sort of confirms that because most people don’t even want to hear what I’ve got to say about God. I understand that many will not believe in the Good News, but it is really discouraging as a new Christian .. trying to show the world what exactly He’s done for me and how far He’s taken me with more people discounting what I have to say than accepting it. I guess I would even feel better if people actually scoffed at the idea and turned me down, instead of just plainly ignoring me. It sort of brings up painful memories, because I never had parents who were there to encourage me in the positive things I wanted to do … and they still aren’t around to do so. I just feel like I really have no one to relate to (I do have close fellowship online, but it just isn’t the same). Even old friends that I’ve been reconnecting with, that say they are Christians, have no real interest in servitude or devoting their lives to getting to know Christ. It’s a truly hard obstacle to face, but I know I’ve got to keep pushing forward and continue building my confidence through Christ – Who is my only hope in doing anything, really.  I guess it’s mainly so hard for me because (it seems) God takes His sweet time answering prayers, and I am a control freak so we don’t mesh too well together right now. I pray constantly that my controlling behaviors will cease to exist soon because that really holds me back from opening my complete trust and faith up and giving it all to God. Once I am over that barrier, God willing, I think it will help me break down many other walls in my life. If you are a faithful person, I ask that you please keep me in your prayers as I sort through my issues. Thank you and God bless you all! Ashlee

 

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