Roughly 8 weeks and I'll have graduated from college. My life will change, as I plan to move out of this house, this city, most likely this state too. I'll finally have the independance I've wanted.

So why am I so afraid of the change? Why do I feel so bogged down on life?

Even just this week has got me down. I don't even want to go to school tomorrow because of the two classes I just hate going to right now. But I know I have to and I have to finish this semester. I just hate it all right now.

I have several things I have to do this month – an exit interview with the Earth Sciences Dept President, and a Computer Proficiency Exam. I just ordered my cap and gown for graduation in May.

I've still got at least one more class to do in the summer. So because of that, because of taking so long to graduate, I am ashamed of myself and do not feel like I have accomplished anything. I feel like I've let my family down for taking almost 7 years to finish school, where my brothers much less time. I just feel like the biggest failure…

I'm still sitting on the internet for hours every day. I'm still having the same fucking addiction to slacking off instead of getting any work done. Everyone tells me how great and wonderful I am but here I am feeling like the biggest piece of garbage because I would rather sit on my ass reading blogs and forums than do homework.

When I finish with school, I can go wherever I'd like. I'm considering doing Hazmat training during the summer so that will be one thing down. I don't know if I'm even considering doing graduate school anymore, cause I just feel so fucking stupid and lazy. I just want to go to work, and even that terrifies me. Having to deal with bills, being alone in a house, being afraid of intruders, having to do everything myself. I thought it sounded great at first but now I'm just so afraid.

I just don't understand why all this shit has to be so difficult. I don't get why the world always feels against me. I don't know how to face my fears here.