I am sure what to do. I am trapped do to my socail disorder. I went to the doctor yesterday. It was only to make more doctor appointments. I dont start medication in till the 13th. What ever they will give me. I am going to phyco teherpy on the 22.

My bf – who is my husband. I dont tell anyone because I dont want anyone to know ( i worry about what people always think)

is all over me about getting a job. Hard core. He get's really visuouse with the things he says, It makes my condition worse and distroys any energy i have for that day. I just want to run and hide. He is always threating to sue me and does his best to humilite me even more in front of people. I have no family or friends to go to. I am trapped in my situation.

I am trying to do my best. He see's my condition as a non health issue and that I am just being lazy. I am trown into a compleat panic all the time because of him.

I thought of perhaps disability. But I do not know if they will cover me. I own a house a car and two three condo's that I rent out.

Being a landlord is not glamours and it doesnt make the money you think I would be making. I cover my taxes and condo fee's and insurance.They are super small vaction condos that are hard to rent in the winter. I get about 100 to 200 profit *IF* i am lucky and that goes to fixing or repairs.I really dont see any of the money. Its a huge drain on my life with all the worry.

I only started therepy (almost) My reall appoinments havent started yet.

I am emberassed of having this situation and I am scared. My sister and Aunt both have lived most of their life in a mental instatution.

I am so exsausted from this stress, its not funny.

The reason why I am scared to work is that I get sick. Really really sick on top of my regular socail anxitity . I feel like there is no hope or help/ And my what ever he is , in my life wants a soltion yesterday and to just get over it.

I had a very rough time with my life growing up. From being born to many deaths, to my caretakes mental abuse and lack of them getting help.

School bulling and back then even the teachers where on the band wagon. I use to be a cutter in school. I am 40 now and I have stopped. Then recent I witness my care takers death. I watched her last breath. Even though mentally abusive. Thats all I knew.

Now dealing with my husbens metal abuse- i am always on egg shell around him and he pressed me into getting married shortly after my caretaker died I didnt want to.

Now my son is being alot of trouble. And blames me for everything.

My sons dad took his life by hanging. On the 11th it is the 5 year anniversy of his death. I had another bf that took his life to

My life gets deep more deep then i can actully get online. i hate being like this and i hope they can help me. but its not going fast enough.