I have been away due to having my computer confiscated by the police during a drug bust for cultivating cannabis.  I just got my puter back this morning.  I don’t know whether I will ever get back to being as "active of a member" here at DT. 

I was also hospitalized and forced to accept an injection of haldol deconate (a monthly dose).  That was a real shocker because I thought they couldn’t force a person to take medication if they were not an immediate threat to anyone.  Evidently the judge deemed me a risk because he ordered I be forced the injection.

So now I am back on two other medications after having weaned myself free of them for three months.  This has been a real blow to me.  Although I was experiencing a great deal of emotional pain off my meds, it was serving the purpose of motivating me too change my ways.  I’m still motivated to change some things but not with as much energy as I had before the injection. 

I just have not had the energy lately too keep up with my DT friends.  After a forced hospitalization, forced medication, and a recent drug bust, I am truly not the person I was before.  I just feel way too tired and demoralized.

On a positive note, I am finally getting some "talk therapy" that was 10 years overdue.  I was depending on medication and only medication too hold me up these last 10 years.  I’m currently going too outpatient group therapy every morning for four hours, and I see an individual therapist once a week.  I’m going to give these medications a chance for a couple of months.  If I can regain motivation for making changes I’ll stay on them for a time but if by the end of summer I don’t see me feeling more motivated, I’m going to begin stopping the medications again. 

I was having panic attacks while off my medications but they were serving the purpose of motivating me too unhinge myself from a pattern of depressive behavior.


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