ok I saw my therapist last Friday and she and I ended up in this odd arguement because I didn't understand what she is doing and why she is doing it. Basically I kept asking why and she kept getting mad. I have never been in therapy before and well, as she pointed out, I don't know how to. I didn't even know there was therapy ettiqutte (sp?). Anyway, I left and we did not make another appointment. I felt real bad because I felt like she thought I was being difficult and close minded and all I really need was how she arrived at some of the suggestions she gave me. Also, she told me that I wasn't listening to her and that I acted like I knew everything. Well, here the bummer. I DO know everything. Well no I don't but we kept going over the same subjects the same way over and over again and I was getting frustrated and I told her. It's not like I kept it a secret. I told her that I felt that I was running in water and getting no where fast. I was getting frustrated and wanted to cover new ground or at least cover the same ground differently. Then she would bait me by asking me questions and then not allowing me to finish my answer. WTF is that all about?!? I mean I got to the point where I was very close to asking her if she knew what she was doing or was she just testing my insurance coverage limits. I hate to be this way but I don't know. Then she told me in a very sarcastic tone that I didn't need therapy and that I was just fine and that I was just one of "those people" that just don't do well in therapy. WTF are you serious? I went to her for help and this is what I get? That's 5 weeks of therapy I won't ever get back. Then she calls me on Monday and says that she didn't set another appointment but wants to know how I felt about the last session now that I have had time to cool down. Oh and she said that she thinks I would do better in Biotherapy. What is that? I do not confess to be the easiest person in the world and my husband only knows how I get when its the week before I start surfing the crimson wave. Hello I do have PMDD. But she was my hope. She represented the help and the freedom I thought I could get from this anxiety issue and now poof gone. My husband just feels that I need a new therapst, one that can understand me better and offer me the help that I need. I know that he's right but I juste feel so bad. I think I will break from therapy for awhile and try to figure things out on my own. Oh sure I will look again and I will go again but not with her. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to ask? Isn't this what its all about?
Well on the homefront, I have been feeling really bad here lately. Physically. I am getting my pain in my brain back, you know the kind that likes to pick and choose areas of your head. The odd part is if I feel a pain in certain parts of my head it leads to other spots on my body. Am I the only one that gets this? Boy do I feel like the only nut. My jaw is stiffing up but only on my left side and I am feeling those dissociative feeling again. I know this is all because of my PMDD but hell this really stinks.