The truth hurts a lot. I mean, really thinking about my relationship with my ex, how long i dated him, how many chances i gave him, the trust i put into it, the amount of effort it takes to have such a comfortable relationship. All just ripped under the carpet from me. It honestly still feels like the wind has been knocked out of me or something. It really sucks to hurt this much over someone. Weve been broken up for like 5 or 6 months now but me and him stayed best friends, and i just ended it a week ago because i couldnt stand our friendship. Its understandable isnt it? he treated me like shit. It was just sex, drugs, sex, drugs. no fucking feelings left for love. He changed and he kept changing and then treating me like shit, i just didnt want to handle it anymore so i ended the friendship for good reasons. I was there for him through everything and it was never enough for him. Now matter how much weight i lost, or how much effort i put into everything with him, still at the end he's the asshole. He started it everytime. Why? to use me over and over again. I'm glad its done, but i still hurt a lot over it because me and him went through so so so much. We were together so long, i got used to it. I didnt care as long as i was still with him, and as long as he still loved me. I guess its kind of pathetic in a way. But i really loved him, but now im finally free to let go and move on. Now i'm actually dating this amazing guy. I've been through enough asshole boyfriends/flings in my life, that finally having a good guy makes me so happy. He respects me, he adores me now matter what, hes always there for me, he tries to understand me. I'm so grateful i have him. Another thing, I feel like the world has gotten so fucked up, that nobody can see the good anymore. People try so hard to escape with anything, and they don't even realize the good. What worth living for if theres not the love, and smiles, and laughter and good moments with good feelings. What kind of life would it be without the wonderful things. Theres got to be a reason were all put here. I don't think its all how people make it out to be. Things could be so simple and full of love but nobody can see it because so many people, including myself when i used to self destructive, try to escape. Its easier at the time, but not easy to get yourself back up…..that takes a lot more effort and time. I dont even know, im rambling. My bro just made some chicken but he passed out so now i gotta go take over and finish cooking the chicken. <3 i dont think anyone will read this but if you do than you are patient hahah.

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