I FEEL AS THOUGH SOMETHING LONG AGO DIED INSIDE ME. PEOPLE HAVE NAMES FOR THIS PART I SPEAK OF, "CHI", "AURA", OR WHATEVER WORD THAT FITS HERE. I'M SURE THAT THOSE WORDS AREN'T REALLY WHAT "IT" IS BUT, THEY CAME TO MIND. NOT LOOKING FOR EXCUSES OR TO BLAME ANYONE, JUST SITTING HERE THINKING …. TRYING TO REMEMBER…CAN'T REMEMBER ….. JUST CAN'T ? TO EXPLAIN MORE; IT'S LIKE THE VISION IN MY RIGHT EYE THEY SAY I MIGHT HAVE HAD IT ONE TIME (VISION), MAYBE NOT…. MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN BORN THIS WAY. SO WHEN I SPEAK OF VISION IN THIS "BAD" EYE, I WONDER DID I EVER REALLY HAVE IT. CAN'T REMEMBER HAVING SIGHT IN IT …. CAN'T REMEMBER? THE POINT I'M GETTING TO … I GREW UP ADAPTING TO THIS EYE ….NOT MISSING ANYTHING, NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. WHAT WAS THE USE IN THINKING ABOUT IT (SIGHT) WHEN I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HAVING IT. NOT MANY PEOPLE NOTICED …. I LOOKED OK …..PLAYED BALL, ETC…. ATILL WAS (AM) INTELLIGENT. I DIDN'T LOOK AT THE WORLD THROUGH IT, HELL THERE WASN'T ANY USE …COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING BUT SHAPES THROUGH A BLACKENED VEIL. THIS "CHI" THING IS SORTA LIKE THAT, DON'T REMEBER HAVING IT …I THINK I DID ….. CAN'T REMEMBER …. IF I EVER DID THEN IT'S BEEN MISSING SO LONG THAT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE …. I ADAPTED. I STILL LOOKED OK, ACTED OK (SANE), AND BY ALL APPEARANCES TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE ….. WAS OK. THIS "ADAPTION" PART WASN'T A CONSCIENCE THOUGHT, NOR WITH MY EYE, JUST DID IT WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING I WAS. WEIRD HUH? SO HERE I AM NOW: NO SIGHT (CHI) THINKING I HAD IT ONE TIME, NOT REMEMBERING EVER HAVING IT, AND TRYING TO REMEMBER WHEN I HAD IT, WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE IT, AND LOL…WHY DID IT GO AWAY? KEEPING ALL THIS IN MIND THEN …… FACT: EVERYTHING CHANGES, EVOLVES, MODIFIES, IE…….ADAPTS. THESE CHANGES ARE FOR DIFFERENT REASONS, SURVIVAL, NEED, INSTINCT, OR JUST TO COPE WITH. SIGHT IS NATURAL TO MOST PEOPLE, NOT A THINKING PROCESS. SIGHT IS NATURAL TO ME TOO, BUT ONE EYE HAS TO WORK TWICE AS HARD. SO NATURALLY I LEARNED (ADAPTED) TO TURN MY HEAD MORE OFTEN AND LOOK. DO I THINK ABOUT IT? NOPE. DO I LOOK OK? YES. TIME TO ADAPT AGAIN, I NEED GLASSES. THAT IS A CONSCIENCE THOUGHT ….STILL SO I CAN DO WHAT MOST OTHERS DO NATURALLY. THATS OK…AND I AM TOO. I WILL ADAPT…FOCUS …LEARN TO SEE AGAIN …TO FEEL WHAT IT IS LIKE TO ALMOST SEE NORMALLY. WHATS THE POINT OF ALL THIS BLABBER YOU ASK??? WITH ME…EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN HERE …. SIGHT = LOVE = CHI …SIGHT IS AN ILLUSTRATION OF HOW I HAVE TO APPROACH; 1) SOBRIETY, 2) LOVE (CHI), 3) LIFE ….. GOD? I HAVE TO LEARN, WANT TO LEARN … MY NAME IS MARK … I AM AN ADDICT. I WILL ….. GOD'S WILL. i don't know where this all came from, strange to let my mind wander ….. an addict alone is in bad company lmao…..let me know what you think……luvya….mark      

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