Kinda stumbled upon this site via MySpace ads that I typically ignore. This an interesting concept – I honestly was not aware this kind of online community…

I discovered I had OCD in High School. My parents had just gotten divorced, and although it was one of those situations where I was happy about it, I think the moving, starting in a new school (high school, no less) and the general life changes triggered my OCD.

My OCD, I've discovered, often manifests itself in some religious form. In high school, I could hear my mind praying to the devil (obsession) and I couldn't turn it off. My compulsion was to pray and beg for forgiveness everytime, but as it was kind of an unstoppable thing… well, my classmates thought I was weird for always muttering under my breath.

After awhile I tried to figure out if this was spiritual warfare or psychological. I used the internet at school to find something that might match my symptoms. I had discussed my problem with my mother, but our family likes to live in a state of denial, so all she said was, "Just stop thinking those thoughts."

Oh, yeah. Why didn't *I* think of that? 

So basically, I had to do all the work myself. I finally found something that not only resembled the current issues I was having, but issues from childhood that I was not old enough at the time to articulate.

 I had OCD.

Once I found this out my mother finally took me to a doctor to confirm, and sure enough, I was right.

With meds, I felt like a new person. I was so relieved to be free of those obsessions. Unfortunately, as we get older, health insurance becomes an issue as well, and I went for a good long time without them.

Recently I discovered something new about my OCD – I spent almost a year obsessing over love for a person. I didn't realize that my OCD could manifest that way, until I had a panic attack at the though of this person one day at work. I went back on my meds again, but as I just made a recent move to Ohio, again I am without my medication since my insurance was through my old job.

I am lucky that I live with great people who are understanding and compassionate to my strange behaviors, probably because they some their own as well. I am hoping I can keep the worst symptoms at bay at least until I can find a job and resume my medication. I am also very glad I found this site as support.

 So. That is my experience in a nutshell.


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