Being depressed is bad enough, but having crap happen at work makes u feel even worse. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down, u know how u feel happy n settled about things despite everything not being really great but its managable. Well that wat has happened to me, get told that u r moving units but then other factors seem to come into play like we are worried about ur health, ur mood swings. Wat mood swings, pile of bollocks none of how I felt has ever affected how I worked. Also the DSH which I had done during this period was hidden well in place no one could see. Also was being managed, and past few weeks in comparison to how I could have reacted to the situation, for example my stupid irrational thoughts and the horrendous urges I get I've gotten by.
But now I find out that despite arranging a meeting which was meant to discuss whether I would be returning to my unit where actually enjoyed my job the work I did and had the support networks. This plan has been scuppered and I've been told that instead not even by the ppl that shud have told me that I'm staying permanently. Ever since this point I have felt crap and thought what is the point in going to work, what is the point in even saying anything against what has been done to me, Because if I break down in tears instead of show my anger ppl will interpret that I need a break or that i am not fit work. Or that I do have mood swings well get lost ppl. The way I have felt has been shit in the past few weeks I have felt constantly low, tearful at risk of DSH and other disturbing ideas. Not wanting to get out of bed go to work or even see ppl.
I dont no how to fix things to make me happy, I have tried applying for new jobs but we all no that doesnt happen overnight. Ppl have sed if its that bad I should quit or go off sick. But I dont see y I shud give ppl the satisfaction. As I was happy in my job until some person came along and turned my world upside down and every argument I have for it is well somebody needed to move. Despite I've worked on unit for two years, got most experience and actually enjoyed being there in comparison to other ppl that moan constantly about the way its ran.
I so just wanna curl up in a ball and cry and not face any of this. Or if I do have to face it have a bloody good argument of how to try and get things to change. I feel victimised to some degree for having personal difficulties which still neva effected my work ethic or enjoyment of the job.
WHAT CAN I DO??? I HATE EVERYTHING ATM. Dont no how much more I can dump on my boyfriend either as he hates seeing me this unhappy. Which is killing me knowing that how I feel is now affecting him and in turn us.