Most Holy Trinity Parish
May God bless you for the service that you do for His people. I write this letter to request a religious counseling and a confession. Basically, I am gay and I was diagnosed with HIV. I am a sinner and I have questions for God. May God answer my questions through you.
I am a sinner. My last confession was about seven years ago. Since then, I have repeatedly disobeyed the Ten Commandments except two; 1) thou shall not kill. and 2) thou shall not commit adultery. However, considering that I have HIV and have transmitted this disease to another and might have caused his death, therefore, I have killed someone too. Fortunately, I am not married so it’s impossible to commit adultery.
I have sinned against the first four commandments. I was once a devout catholic and dreamed to be a priest but when I realized I was in love with my guy best friend who made the promise to be a priest with me, I know that I have no place in the seminaries. During college, my love for knowledge and curiosity lead me to join a coven, a group that practices Wicca. It is an earth based religion and polytheism is central to its believe structure. However, I have always believed that God is in every form and present in every religion. Whenever I pray to a goddess or a god, deep in my heart I’m praying to the one God with many forms.
I have sinned against the fifth commandment. I love my parents so much but there are times that I disobey them. I have always respected and loved them. I have sinned against them when I became a burden and disappointment; when I told them I’m gay, when I transferred courses at college, and when I became HIV positive.
I have sinned against the eighth commandment. I stole gay porn cd’s from our local video shop. (They were very rare and i was a curious boy) I might have also stolen some stuff throughout the years I have not confessed that I do not remember anymore.
I have sinned against the ninth commandment. I have lied a lot. All kinds of lies; White lies, lies to deceive, lies to sell, lies to go unpunished, selfish and selfless lies. This is the sin I usually avoid to commit because the temptation to commit it is the most commonly occurring. Now, I have to live on a lie that I am normal… that I am not HIV Positive, to my friends, co-workers and strangers.
I have sinned against the tenth commandment. I have always been a covetous man but has seldom acted on it. I have stolen stuff because I coveted it but have always stayed monogamous with all my relationships. Monogamy is a puzzle for me. They say that if you are monogamous, it is less likely that you’ll end up with HIV. But I did.
I have committed all the Seven Deadly Sins: Wrath, Greed, Sloth, Pride, Lust (especially Lust), Envy, and Gluttony. I am generally a peace-loving and understanding guy but I do get angry. I succumbed to greed sometimes especially at school and at work and even around my family. My favorite and hated sin of all is sloth. I find myself doing nothing most of the time. I have also been full of pride, especially over my achievements and to shield myself from any humiliation. I do not deny my sins of Lust, I commit it every day. I keep myself loyal to my partner by lusting over men I could never have and I relieve myself every night. I easily get envious too. Whenever I see or meet people who have more than I have, I envy them. Now, I envy your normal life without HIV. And lastly, I sometimes indulge in the pleasures of food.
So I ask the God these;
1) Am I a sinner because I am gay? Will I ever be forgiven for following my own will which is a gift from Him?
2) Is HIV my punishment for being gay?
3) How can I be gay and Christian at the same time?
4) Is it written in the Bible that Homosexuality is a sin? Did Jesus personally condemn homosexuality? Can the scriptures be interpreted in different ways and maintain its Holiness and Truth?
5) Does Roman Catholicism follow “Sola Fide” or “Sola Screptura”? Or is there another factor that could be considered to be a Catholic?
6) Are my actions of love towards my partner for 3 years seem repulsive or adorable to God?
7) Since early death is considerable to cases like mine, will I go to heaven when I die?
I hope, in God’s grace, all my questions will be answered and I would accept these answers. Please provide me with information on how to get a counseling session with an spiritual adviser.
May God bless you for all the good you’ve done to His people.
H42012052 (My name)