I have not done one of these yet, but I will try. Right now, life feels empty. I have to change schools because the “bullying” has not stopped. It probably never will. And it is not just with other people my age that do not like me. I can not seem to do anything right, not with grades or friends or anything.
My family is so disfunctional, I feel trapped and broken because of all this mental stuff. Like I come with too much baggage. And I know I sound like every other teenager, but this is real. I remember feeling like this, just not as extreme, when I was nine and even found old papers telling my mom how sad I felt and that I did not know why. I do not have any kind of relationship with my father. Or a good relationship with anyone in my family for that matter. I only have one friend.
I do not really see a future. College seems so impossible. I do not think I am smart enough to go. If I do not my family will look further down on me than they already do. I’m so lost.
Writing all of this stuff down makes me feel so sick. I feel guilty writing this, like it is wrong. Like I should not tell anyone because it is my problem and it is insignificant and stupid. I feel like I should apologize for writing this. And that I have used the word “I” way too much. I feel extremely embarrassed to be like this. Like it is my fault. It might be.
And now I do not even know what is worse, feeling so much pain or feeling numb and empty. The worst part is, I never know when it is going to hit. But now it is hit pretty hard.
So I am hoping it gets better….