I thought this week could be like a breath of fresh air since last weekend was so hectic and awful. But it's not it's been really horrible, I justdon't feel the same inside anymore, my marriage feels broken. My husband sends me sweet text all day and comes home with a crappy attitude. I don't feel wanted by him anymore just more like a huge burden since I've been so torn and hurt. The sparkle in his eye for me has blown out, his texts are meaningless when he doesn't act that way around me.Theelectricity problem is coming back, I guess it wasn't solved, now I can't use my washer and dryer without feeling like my house will catch fire, and that's the main thing I needed done today. I'm losing my will to even be alive, all I can think is that God took the wrong one when he took my Brian. He loved life, he liked it here. I don't understand why you would leave me on the stupid earth with this pointless life when I'm never happy,I'm never happy, it's hard to be happy, when I am happy it's always short-lived. I hate my job, I'm still stuck in the house my love was murdered in. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to afford to move. We have credit card debt from our wedding that seems impossible to pay off. My thyroid is messed up but I don't have money to go to the Drs. And run tests to figure out the problem so I'm always tired. Life has been sucking the life out of me, it's draining. But if I try to tell anyone my problems, they make me feel shitty, for feeling shitty, which makes me want to disappear twice as bad. I hate anxiety, it makes me question everything with everyone and I feel most of the people I used to call friends have abandoned me. I don't get along with my mom so I can't talk to her, I just feel like I have nobody right now and it's depressing,itslonely, it's sad, it's dark, and it feels hopeless. I think I try so hard to make everyone else so happy, because I know what it feels like to be so sad and feel nothing but sadness and pain. Usually I'm good at being optimistic but lately the negativity has been winning, and I'm heading on a dark road to no where fast. I just keep praying, it's all I can do right now to keep faith something better will come.

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