Well it has turned out to be the perfect day to write..It's cold and raining and I have no social life left to speak of ! Ordinarily I would be doing my Ritalin and spinning in obsessive compulsive circles some dark place on the internet. (Don't ask don't tell ! )
Since my breakthrough a week or so ago I've become dedicated to writing the book I have had in my head for sometime…Oddly enough, after going through what I HOPE is the worst of my Ritalin withdrawal, I seem to still be able to access my creative muse….Stranger still that my focus has improved…That could all change at the drop of a hat But I've found that contributing to my blogs and answering others has served the unexpected purpose of helping my writing skills. The blogs are a sort of warm up exercise. That and they help give me a much needed break from isolation when I need to reach out and know that I have friends out there.
Yesterday was a hard day and even tough my day started out with plenty of energy, my mood quickly hit the skids soon after my husband left for work. He has told me many times how a really "hard" day ( meaning busy) at the restaurant makes the day go by so much quicker and on days when business is slow, how the clock seems to crawl. Not to mention that during a lull in business there's a lot more time for his staff to get into trouble. I swear you would think that some days he is a third grade teacher the way these people act !
Between the ADHD and the OCD I can spend a whole day doing pretty much running in circles until i realize that it's gotten dark outside and I haven't gone to the store, or done any laundry or whatever it was' I intended to do…The I have to make double-time to get it done. I do take pride in that I keep the house looking clean and our laundry done etc. In the spring and summer I also double as the gardener and believe me I go cheap. All I require is CONSANT attention and TOTAL devotion! Piks likes to occasionally remind me that I'm " such a good little wifey" Grrrrr…THANKS Piks ! lol To that I have to reply " Yeah ,and you should just see me in my leather maids outfit ! I'm June Cleaver with a whip!"
Our "weekend" is Mondays and Tuesdays because if you're at all familiar with the food service industry and like the nightclub industry, NOBODY has Saturdays or Sundays off. You *might* get a weekend night off for your own funeral but even then you have to have a note from your coroner. I worked the nightclub industry for a total of 15 years, the last 11 of them at the same club…The running joke among we bar employees was " How many times has YOUR grandmother died?" It also helped that the owner was always pissy-eyed drunk and that if he fired you in an alcoholic rage, you simply showed up the next night because he wouldn't remember it…On the rare occasion that he was sober when he fired someone, that person was history.
Anyway, our "weekends" together are really good…We've been together long enough that I've finally learned the signals when he just needs some space and I'm not QUITE as needy for constant attention as i used to be. Usually just knowing that he's in the house, reading, napping or working on some art project is enough to fill me with contentment…I've learned that if we are not to settle into total moldy heaps that I have to take the occasional initiative to make a date night out. I spent so many years eating alone that I conveniently leave out a lot of my dysfunctional family life, since I prefer to remember a heavily altered version of us as the perfect nuclear family…eating meals together in splendid middle class splendor complete with TV trays dinners and simultaneous entertainment..Part of that is accurate because even though we never ate before 8PM dude to my fathers work schedule, we nearly always ate together…It is one of my….happier memories even if it is heavily edited…I was well into high school before i realized that most families ate supper by 5 or 6 pm!… I was astounded.
Adam and I finally lived together but not till after being a couple for a little over 2 years…We had both boon burned pretty badly in past relationships and were more than willing to take it slowly. I cringe a little now when I think about how I thought we would eat every dinner together..Life has the peskiest way of ruining a perfectly good fantasy doesn't it?
Now days, we settle for at least two shared meals together but the unexpected trade off has been that we both love to cook…He helped raised his siblings and has cooked for so many years that he has that kitchen instinct i call " the Grannie" touch where one seldom has to measure anything…I on the other hand was rarely given access to the kitchen by my control freak mama ,except when it was time to wash the dishes.
Between the fear of making a disaster and years of my own bachelor cooking my kitchen senses became pretty blunted. I have to totally give my guy a huge amount of credit for awakening a love of cooking that I didn't know was there…Today, my culinary list is still on the short side but still growing and I'm not nearly so petrified to try something new..Our bungalow came with a rather small kitchen but I've realized a fantasy of mine and that is cranking our some pretty incredible meals for fiends during the holidays…both of us performing a kind of choreography of sharp instruments around each other in that small space…
Well I've spent over an hour on this blog that probably won't go into my book, but I don't feel like it's a loss. I was actually pretty disciplined today and had already written another short chapter before logged on, so I don't feel like a total slacker… I've hardly made a dent in this book ….just a few pages it seems….after finishing a couple of pages today I made sure that I printed it before saving it to file JUST in case Windows screwed up and somehow deleted it…As I looked at the pages I sighed to myself ,"Now only about three hundred more of these babies and I might just have a book! "
Yes, some days it really IS like herding cats through snow….