Not much of a writer, but what else is there to do.  Been pos since the mid 80s, i call them the glory years.  Why were they Glorius?  I was young, invincesable, and of course, i knew it all.  Nobody can tell me i was doing wrong.  I had all the drugs, all the money, 2 beautiful apartments in greenwich village, women, and HIV.  of course i didnt know it back then, it took me 5 years to get tested.  Now its 1990, and the doctor tells me that i am hiv pos, and i also have the signs of emphysema.  That was it.  The death sentence.  If hiv wasnt gonna kill me, emphysema would.  My friends were all dropping like flies, from the virus, and of course, i was next.  I lost everything.  My home, my friends, my family, and was living in 2 world trade center, sleeping in the warm citibank. No matter how much i tried to kill myself, it wasnt enough.  Finalyy, i dragged my dirty ass into a 24 month drug rehab, and got clean off of every drug known to man, including 100 milligrams of methadone, which i must say, was no party.  So here i am, clean and sober, well, i used to tell every1 that, but deep down, i still thought i was a dead man, and continued to try to kill myself, but on a much more low key level.  i continued to test my waters, and c how much heroine it would take to put me out of my misery.  I couldnt understand why god wouldnt take me.  i continued to smoke cigarettes, dabble with heroine, and wonder wat it would take.  2001 comes, and my father gets very sick from emphysema, and i decide to be a good jewish son, and go take care of him, meanwhile, who is gonna take care of me?  I go to florida, with this mammouth drug habit, and watched my dad die a weelk later from exactly the same type of emphysema i have.  Maybe thats wat it took for me to finally grow up, and realize that maybe god has a plan for me.  if im not dead by now, maybe he wants me around a little while longer.  After dad died, i quit smoking, and straightened up my life and decided i wanted to live.  i bought a beautiful condo in florida, and started my life all over again.  It felt great, to be alive, and free.  the 1 thing i allways wanted in life was to be a father, and god knows, i would be a good 1.  i would make sure my child did not follow the same footsteps his old man took.  I was blessed to have really good parents, i dont know where i went wrong.  one beautidful day, out of nowhere, i went into respiratory failure, and was hospitalized with pnemonia.  I thought that was the end.  i laid on the floor, and just waited to die, but it wouldnt happen, so i made it to the fone, and called 911 and , they pumped all this oxygen into me for 6 hours, and saved my life.  It took me months to recuperate, and now i am on full time oxygen.  I never thought i would meet any1 or any1 would want me, because i am limited to wat i can do, but wat happens?  i meet some1 online and fell head over heals in love.  i met my soulmate.  she was 34, hiv pos, and no kids, and the best part is that we wanted to have a child together.  Could it be?  Too good to be true.  Unfortunatly, it didnt work out, and now i am devistated, and alone.  This is my first Blog.  how did i do?  here goes nothing.  Love to u all.

2 Comments
  1. gregPriv 12 years ago

    As the others are saying you are doing well. Just don't think too much on the negative side. Good things will happen and for sure u will be blessed. Just keep on the good spirit and that also do encourage us to see something good happening.

    Cheer Up and Gambatte.

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  2. aimz2pleez 12 years ago

     

     

    Wow, thats beautiful.  thank you for making me feel welcome.  it took me all day to figure out how to read your comment.  just click blog.  gee, why didnt i think of that.  Im going thru some very difficult times now, and im not sure if any1 is interested in hearing my insanity.  I guess its all about the feeling, and i guess i still havent learned how to deal with them to well.  Thx again, for your kind words.  Have a blessed day.  LONNY

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