wow long time since i wrote last time. I have now started this three times, wondering what to write. does anyone read this shit? does anyone really care what i think? things havent got any better, things seems to be getting worse for me, mentally. studies are going ok, and family life is getting alot better. im really bonding with my parents and my sister more, which i am glad about. my social life got better for a while i had the money to go out, but now im stuck just going to uni and then home, ive really seen how my friends act. i have 2 close mates at uni which are really cool, but they dont know me well enough to know how i think and feel. other then these two friends, i have three older friends, one is my best friend who i love to death and she has helped me so much! the two remaining are brothers. one wants to use me for sex. he doesnt hang out with me, barely talks to me and the other is so stupid! he messes around, asking us round and then not being there, or not calling back and so much other shit, nearly 4 years i have put up with this, and i love them dearly but is it really worth hurting myself to keep them in my life? i mean look how little friends i have and they are causing me so many problems. I had a friend who me and my best friend have known us for years 8 years for me and 11 years for my best friend and she stabbed us in the back so badly. i think about her still missing her company and how she knew me, knew how i struggled with cutting and pain, but now i have gotten rid of her i wonder did i drive her to hurting me? did i push her by being there too much for her? i dont know what to do, i loved her so much she was like a sister to me, she hurt me so much, i dont know how to go on without her.