What is the meaning of loss?  The connotation of loss is usually a bad thing.  But sometimes loss is not bad.  For example, sometimes you’ve lost so much or failed so that you have the serenity and freedom to just enjoy the moment for what it is.  Loss can come from many things.  It can come from changes that occured from childhood to adulthood that influence the way you relate to your parents.  Perhaps, your mother has achievement in her blood yet as a young child that achievement in her blood was transfered to you.  Perhaps you (be)came or are resentful of this transference.  Perhaps this loss of your mothers saddens you.  Perhaps you take on this loss as if it were yours..  Perhaps transference exhasts and irritates you and you wonder why people can’t face up to the truth.  Perhaps you meet people who remind you of your mother and feel alienated from them.  Perhaps this feeling of alienation is a way of protecting yourself – and them?- from the consequence of transference, not knowing who you are, who they are.  But transference is everywhere and its not always a bad thing.  So whether this transference is loss depends on the amount you depend on it.  And perhaps your fathers work ethic confused and saddened you, why did, does, he always have to be doing something with the exception of zoning out in front of the tv.  Isn’t this a frightening cost for success?  Why are the feelings of pride mixed with alienation, with a lack of connection?   And then perhaps you ask yourself why a boy you were drawn to, a so-called productivity expert also lacked this ability to connect.  Perhaps you are taken advantage of.  Or perhaps it is you who lacks this ability to connect with them.  Perhaps something is wrong with you.  Perhaps you are being to hard on yourself and others.  Perhaps you learned this from your mother, your father, competitive gymnastics, and schooling where getting it right (whatever getting it is) is deemed more important than the process.  Regardless of who is right or who is wrong the fun of achievement has been taken away.  It doesn’t matter anymore whether it was you whose attitude stunk like limburger cheese or someone else’s.  Perhaps this needs to change.  PERHAPS WHAT YOU HAVE LOST IS NOT YOURSELF OR YOUR DAD OR MOM, FOR THAT MATTER, BUT THE AWARENESS TO DEFINE ACHIEVEMENT AS EXPLORATION, AS FUN, AS AN ACTIVITY WHERE DISCERNMENT STILL EXISTS BUT JUDGEMENT IS GONE.  JUDGEMENT IS DANGEROUS.  INTERNALIZING SOMETHING AS BAD OR GOOD, INTERNALIZING YOURSELF OR YOUR ACTIONS AS BAD OR GOOD GIVES LICENSE TO LOSS.  INTERNALIZING SELF AS BAD MAKES IT MORE LIKELY YOU WILL REPEAT ACTIONS OUT OF SPITE.  INTERNALIZING SELF AS GOOD IS INACCUARATE, NOT BECAUSE NOT BECAUSE IT IS OR IS NOT BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE BLINDED TO LOSSES THAT COULD BE.  

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