I’ve always found it funny how one decision, no matter how small it may initially feel,can create a domino effect that changes everything you thought you knew about yourself. My own personal domino effect started about five months ago, when I decided to leave my job of 3.5 years - I was a nanny while trying to complete my degree, and in August, I did. During my last semester and last few months at my job, I started to realize things about myself that I now see I suppressed for years. Within 3 months, I left my job, a job I loved and miss so much, graduated college and came out to myself. That is something I haven’t acknowledged outside of my mind and journal. The way I saw and identified drastically changed, and I was, and if I am being honest, still am feeling so lost about. Not any-one thing specifically, just life in general. I am still looking for a new job so that dual degree's getting great use and I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about how I am feeling, because then I would have to come out to them. I don’t want to not come out to them because I’m scared (though if we are being honest, I am terrified about my friends and family’s reaction more than telling them, if that even makes sense), or embarrassed because I’m not at all. It’s because I don’t know how I am identifying, I just know I am not straight and I know if I come out they will have questions and I don’t have the answers, yet. Can’t I just one day show up with someone I like and that be enough?! If only it was that “easy.” I will be in the middle of conversations with friends and family, and feel myself detaching from the people and the conversation and get an overwhelming urge to blurt out “IM NOT STRAIGHT!” Though it would make my life easier because I would no longer feel I am hiding such a large part of me to the people I love most, I panic, retreat and try not to open my mouth because I’m scared it will just come out, as if it has a mind of its own. It's a strange feeling to know you are surrounded by the people you love most and have known your entire life, yet they don’t truly know the real you. They don’t understand you, even though they think they do. It’s lonely. It’s lonely, so that is why I am so happy I found this site because I will have the ability to express my feelings and talk to people that have experienced/ feel similar things. I need to talk things out with people, I need and want to hear other people’s opinions before making decisions, it's a double-edged sword, but not being able to talk to anyone about this is so strange and honestly, becomes debilitating in a way. I can’t stop thinking about my “little secret.” I can’t stop thinking about girls, and how it has completely changed my life, and how it will continue to change my life as I continue to learn more about this part of me, just knowing I’m not straight, it is All. I. Can. Think. About. It consumes me, and ... I love it.
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i hate this because no one sees these
23skuhn, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, 6
i need someone to talk to im having bad thoughts pls
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This might be long…
hey-its-me, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Uncategorized, Anxiety, Domestic Abuse, Relationships, Therapist, 0
I think I’ve put this off long enough. Sooo here’s my “story.” I live with an insane, verbally, emotionally,...
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I guess this is an introduction, I don’t know how this site works yet
Unknownuser777, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Addiction, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, 0
Hi everybody. My name is Mira (they/he/she) and I made this account at an attempt to hopefully stop my...
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The first girl I fell for
Lunar3557, , LGBT, Anxiety, Career, Child, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Questions, Relationships, Religion, 1
This is the story of me, discovering my sexuality and how it’s been a juggling act for the past...
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The Ugly Scar of Self-Harm
bridgegirl, , Anxiety, LGBT, Anger, Depression, Infidelity, Relationships, 1
I was once a teenager who took self-harm as an expression of the pain I was enduring. Felt like...
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we need a voice
FireFox, , Depression, LGBT, Child, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, 0
I live in Idaho, my middle school doesn’t do any thing for the lgbtq they don’t celebrate June for...
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Um
NeutralLemon, , LGBT, Child, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Sex Therapy, 0
HAHAHA! I am back, sorry I haven’t updated in a while, I was fighting the dark lord- nah. School...
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Who am I?
Prince Star, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Relationships, 2
Hi. My name is Alexander Michael and I am a female to male transgender boy. I am here to...