This morning started off really crappy, I woke up late and my mom yelled at me. I just wanted to explain to her that my insomnia affects me really bad some nights.. and last night was one of those nights. I felt like i was losing my mind after not sleeping and feeling completely stressed. My alarm went off at 5:30 am, that was when i was still awake and I turned it off then finally fell asleep. I have my PSAT test tomorrow and even though it matters more as a junior I have so much testing anxiety and know i am going to fail it. But my counselor allowed me to skip class while still getting attendance and sleep in the nurses office. I feel right to sleep after being so physically weakened by my lack of sleep and from not eating as much as I used to… and just feeling stuck in a slump. I am not trying hard enough according to many, but trying any harder I believe that I would actually completely fall apart, it is like I am hanging by a thread and with each day that I sleep and eat less that thread gets weaker. Soon enough that thread is going to snap and then… well… what then… it snapped i’m not being held up, everything crushes me and then it is all going to end.. all I can hear in my head is *SNAP* *SNAP* as I quickly await the thread to completely stop holding me and give in. That is when my heart stops pumping the blood and my brain stops telling me to move. Every day I get lowered with my self-esteem. The fear of wondering the halls and being stared at haunts me as I walk silently down the halls following the footsteps of other hiding in the shadows. Hearing the snapping anticipating any minute to completely lose it. My friends don’t feel real… my family doesn’t feel real… everything feels like I’m stuck in a dream or a nightmare I should say with all of the weight on my shoulders and pain in my heart. I need to wake up.. before I…. SNAP