A little over 9 months.
When the news of a worldwide pandemic hit us in the early months of this year, I spent every waking minute in a panicked, tense state. It consumed my every thought, all day. Every day.
I’ve had a very turbulent relationship with my own mental health for years now. Some months are good, some are bad and some are crippling. I have struggled with depression, general anxiety disorder and health anxiety. As you can imagine, living with health anxiety during a pandemic is about as difficult as I got for me. I experienced a level of anxiety that I quite frankly, had no idea I could reach. I would be asking my Fiancé to check if I felt I had a temperature every hour. I would be riddled with the fear of being taken into hospital during this awful period. I spent hours a day hugging my knees and sobbing in the bath.
Water has always felt like my safe space. I adored swimming and water in general at such a young age and I’ve carried that love through to my thirties. It tends to be my go-to place to deal with my anxiety and depression.
Its been a little over 9 months since I visited this site and wrote a blog or read any other blogs on here. My absence wasn’t because my mental health had improved, quite the opposite actually.
I let my physical health be dragged down in the midst of it all. Which of course has only exacerbated my mental health struggles. My anxiety surrounding my health is in a constant struggle with my depression.
My anxiety makes me terrified of dying but my depression makes me not care.
But how am I ever going to become a physically and mentally, fully functioning adult again in this scary and unsure world? I need to take control of my mind and take back my life and my health.
Which is exactly what I have decided to do.
Simple things like daily exercise, ample amounts of fresh, nutritious food, safe and nurturing socialisation and most importantly I need to love myself. This is something I haven’t done for such a long time. I’m worth fighting for and I’m worthy of all the love, happiness and good health I am going to have.
This has very quickly become more of a ‘health to do list’ rather than a blog but I will post this either way. This is my truth and it’s where I am right now…and that’s okay! We need to be kinder to ourselves and allow for imperfections and bad days. But above all else we need to love ourselves and realise we are worthy of the love.
Love yourself ❤️