Before I go on, I’d like to say this: I don’t condone self diagnosing, as it usually just leads to awful confusion and can worsen a person’s mental health. If you are able to, please see a psychiatrist/therapist to get properly diagnosed, especially if it’s for less common mental illnesses.
a bit of background on me; i’m an autistic young man who’s been diagnosed with ptsd, depression, and anxiety, as well as gender dysphoria. a good friend of mine brought to my attention a while back that i share many symptoms of their mother with bpd (borderline personality disorder):
- Intense, highly changeable moods
- an unstable self image
- extreme emotional reactions
- warped perception of relationships with friends and family
- a history of unstable relationships
the list could go on. immediately i did some research, looking to specialists who’ve written about the topic and found that many of the symptoms listed matched my behaviors. i’ve always had trouble controlling my emotions, and my view on people tends to rapidly change. i also suffer from a lot of paranoia over being left behind as well as people close to me betraying me. and it terrifies me, how quickly my emotions change. i can go from happy one minute to extremely suicidal the next in the blink of an eye. i’m genuinely scared of myself, looking and reading messages i’ve sent to close friends in a fit of uncontrollable anger. all i want is answers.
now, here’s where the trouble comes in. no one takes me seriously. i’ve talked to my therapist about it and she just scoffs me off. my dad just says it’s me PMSing (way to trigger my dysphoria dad) and i can’t get an appointment with a licensed psychiatrist. i’m genuinely scared about losing all my friends to this thing i can’t control, and all i want is help. what should i do?