Lyrics are a hard thing for me to write. Do I sound silly trying? Will I ever bother singing because I don't have much of a singing voice? Am I coming off as some dumb 14 year old?
I love music, it is an outlet, a place to express myself and hear expression, and somewhere I don't feel judged. So I've been working on an album of songs as a way to deal with my feelings. I already have a notebook full of stuff I wrote freeform from the last year of my ex being apart from me, but none of it feels "good enough" to put in song.
Ontop of that I haven't shared my musical ideas as of late, because honestly I've always felt like too much of a perfectionist, that nothing is even up to my own standard. I don't really care much for what others think but my own expectations. I want to make something raw though, so I might just record some stuff and put it together and say "Screw it, it's here it's imperfect it's me" and in fact even that statement, without the punctuation feels wrong to me. I need punctuation and proper gammar, and proper things and things to be "correct" but maybe not.
My goal is to actually sit down, write something and finish it. I know that everything I write right now is going to be sappy and not really my style since I like electronic music but sometimes it needs to be done. Somehow everything I feel about my darling love that is gone from me needs to come out. I want to get out how scared I am about facing the world alone, about how betrayed I feel, about how I feel so empty and meaningless and just how I search for meaning in the darkest places.