I know this is gonna sound horrible but I just can't stand my kids right now. They were just being horrible today. I feel bad cause I can't be here for them more because of work and when i am here I am so tired and irritable. My husband is not a good disciplinarian (sp?( so I have to lay down the law so i:m always the bitch. I hate being the bad guy. Idk how many times i tell my husband that this bothers me and that he has to put in more effort when it come to this but he continuse to be a selfish ass about it. Supposedly he does but he is harder on one than the other when it sould be the other way arround. See both of my kids have ADHD which is something my eldest some still struggles with but is able to control/manage a little better. We still have alot of issues with him but he's a stright A student. THe little one on the other hand is a terror. He is a brilliant boy but the behaviors get in the way.

Nice interuptions…..

So anyways…. needless to say I am stressed at home work and just in every aspect of my life. I was talking to a friend, that I hadn't talked to in a while, and I was telling her what was going on in my life. She says to me "you're gonna die". I know it sounds horrible and disturbing but she's right. I cannot go on at this pace. I really need to find a way to destress and not fall into the black abyss of dispair. I find myself in and out of that black hole but I really need to find a way to try and stay out. I know it may not happened permanently but at least for long periods of time. I think I will start by starting to excersise. I had lost 30 lbs a few years ago in 2/3 month and was the happiest, most energetic I had felt in my life. I was excersising eating right, doing this with my kids and just in a ghood place. Then I had my accident and it all fell apart. I just want to be there again. I just fell like i'm only exsisting in this life instead of living. My kids r everything to me and I don't want to be this horrible person that causes them to be in therapy as adults. I have my parents to thank for some if not most of my issues. I just want to break the cycle……