My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and I can’t say that it’s been a happy marriage. A little bit of backstory, my husband and I were best friends from a very young age, but didn’t date until our mid twenties. We had a long distance relationship starting out, and it worked out great. He would come home on the weekends, we would spend time together and both of us worked during the week. It wasn’t until we had been dating for about 3 years we decided to try moving in together. It worked well for a while, during the time we lived together we decided to get engaged and have a long engagement to save up for the wedding we wanted. There were a lot of things that happened, and I began to fill like our relationship had run it’s course. I was having trouble with his lack of efforts into our relationship, and I broke off our engagement. We were separated for about 2 months, before getting back together. Once we were back together we decided not to wait on getting married and planned our wedding for the following year. Wedding planning went well, we worked well together on making decisions. He understood my frustrations about not having the wedding I wanted and dreamed of due to his family being unwilling or unable to attend a destination wedding, but none the less we worked through it. I would love to say we had a great wedding day, but honestly neither one of us were happy with how our wedding turned out. We had several issues, but that’s another story in itself. At first I thought the negative feelings from the wedding carried over into the wedding, and post-wedding depression. I have a long history with battling anxiety and depression and it hit me hard after our wedding and honeymoon were over. I began seeing a counselor because my mental health and relationship instability began to cause issues in my day to day life. I was having emotional breakdowns at work, looking everywhere for advice, but nothing seemed to help. I was in therapy for about 3 months, and then I got the call about our utilities being shut off for non-payment. I also learned about hidden debts my husband had failed to be honest with me about during our pre-maritial talks, as well as lack of financial stability. It wasn’t until I came home to utilities turned off that I gave him the ultimatum of closing his personal bank account and attending marriage counseling with me or we were getting a divorce.  He chose to go to counseling and closing his personal account. Marriage counseling went great, we discovered that we weren’t effectively communicating and that we didn’t speak each others Love Languages. We seemed to be getting along well, so we recently purchased a house and moved in.

However, there are still issues. We have hit a point to where we are only interested in foreplay or the use of other intimacy enhancing products instead of being intimate with one another. Any advice would be helpful.

1 Comment
  1. iopsydoc101 2 years ago

    Post-wedding depression is legit. Suddenly everything seems to be problematic. Did you both complete marital counseling sessions? It is really important to seek out support. There is no harm in taking antidepressants or anxiolytics. It can really help for the meanwhile. I do take benzos or Valium when life takes a toll on me. It is just that we change and alter physically, mentally, and spiritually and we do need to be kind to ourselves. We cant be to perform in pressure. Can you guys take a vacation if not together give each other space to think at least? Sometimes arguments heat up due to certain stimulants. Spot those and eradicate them there and then. Are they external people causing it? You have to be very sure. Support each other. Be complimentary to each other rather than opposing forces. Do not let go of each other since you both have known each other for a while now.

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