I am a happy camper because my new psychiatrist took one look at my current medication regimen and said, "No way. This ain't working. We're gonna fix it." He said that .5mg Klonopin as-needed was totally inadequate, so now I'm taking 1mg twice a day–and I feel like a new person. I haven't tried out a really stressful situation yet, but so far my regular life is better like night and day better than before. I can get out of the house, have a conversation, be around people, and most importantly, be alone with myself, without the crushing anxiety. It's great. I wish I'd done this years ago; I could have saved myself a lot of grief. Well, its' no good crying over spilt milk.

Besides the Klonopin upgrade, my doctor is working with my case manager to get me on a county plan to get free or reduced-cost Zyprexa, and loaded me up with free samples. He's also weaning me off Prozac over the next two weeks to get me taking Anafranil instead, which he said is the cheapest and best medication for combatting OCD.

He seems to think I have GAD as well as OCD and Social Anxiety, but my therapist and I agree that while I seem like I have GAD at first glance, I actually probably don't have it. My anxiety is low-grade all day, sure, but it's not about usual concerns–it's all about social matters, intrusive thoughts, and obsessions. And when I do have an anxiety spike, it's always an obsession. We had a laugh about it, because she said that when she first met me she thought GAD might be a culprit, too–but no, I just have an unusual presentation of OCD, a weird mix of Pure-O and checking/counting obsessions and compulsions.

So I'm feeling good, consistently good, for the first time in a long time, and even though I'm still really nervous about starting ERP soon, I'm very optimistic and I hope to be back on my feet in a year or so.