I am writing this now just to cool down my anxiety or to forget it for sometime while i write. I am feeling like crying out out of fear  and anxiety. I am often afraid to lose my most loved ones and I fear that it will be my fault.

The same thing is happening rite now. I am in India  and it is 8:42pm now.  today morning I had an interview  and as usual I was tense and grtly anxious. Bt the guy whom I had dated only a few weeks or so in absense of my boyfrnd just out of severe insecurity(OCD)  was also there at the interview and I was talking to him for a long time . He pressed my hand to soothe my anxiety and wished me luck. when I stopped dating him in the past I decided  n promised myself not to meet him again. Bt i didnt feel talking to him was bad in those aanxious moments of the interview today.

Now I am at home waiting for my boyfrnd to come online or at least give me a call from his office bt he is still offline and didnt even call or msg me. He is in Toronto and called me more than 2 hours ago n now I dont know where he is or what he is doing. I called at his home bt no response. I am so afraid and weeping and praying to God for his safety. i am afraid that bcs I talked to that guy during the intervw and let him touch my hands , my bf will face something bad. i am going mad of anxiety. No other thought is now able to change my mind n  those fearful thoughts.  So I am writing this . Even I am afraid that since I never wrote a blog before when I was anxious like this and things were fine at the end, so my writing today can make my fears real. Bt I know that its my OCD so ill definitely post this blog. I dont Know when he will contact me again… getting shortage of breathe and becoming more anxious. I dont know what to do…

 

Moupiya

2 Comments
  1. dday318 12 years ago

    Monalisa, you are absolutely right……it is the ocd.  What you are thinking will not cause something bad to happen.  If you can’t stop thinking about it, continue to write to help calm yourself.

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  2. fighting2win 12 years ago

    hi Moupiya

    Well i suffer from somewhat different kind of anxieties,but i can still very well understand how difficult it is to face all this.

    But  remember one thing that it will pass as it has most of the time. It is Law of nature that nothing is permanent , something can persist for sometime but can not last forever.

    Wish u strength to deal with all this and stay cool and composed.

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