I am writing this now just to cool down my anxiety or to forget it for sometime while i write. I am feeling like crying out out of fear and anxiety. I am often afraid to lose my most loved ones and I fear that it will be my fault.
The same thing is happening rite now. I am in India and it is 8:42pm now. today morning I had an interview and as usual I was tense and grtly anxious. Bt the guy whom I had dated only a few weeks or so in absense of my boyfrnd just out of severe insecurity(OCD) was also there at the interview and I was talking to him for a long time . He pressed my hand to soothe my anxiety and wished me luck. when I stopped dating him in the past I decided n promised myself not to meet him again. Bt i didnt feel talking to him was bad in those aanxious moments of the interview today.
Now I am at home waiting for my boyfrnd to come online or at least give me a call from his office bt he is still offline and didnt even call or msg me. He is in Toronto and called me more than 2 hours ago n now I dont know where he is or what he is doing. I called at his home bt no response. I am so afraid and weeping and praying to God for his safety. i am afraid that bcs I talked to that guy during the intervw and let him touch my hands , my bf will face something bad. i am going mad of anxiety. No other thought is now able to change my mind n those fearful thoughts. So I am writing this . Even I am afraid that since I never wrote a blog before when I was anxious like this and things were fine at the end, so my writing today can make my fears real. Bt I know that its my OCD so ill definitely post this blog. I dont Know when he will contact me again… getting shortage of breathe and becoming more anxious. I dont know what to do…