I just… my depression is high right now. Every since about Friday but I have been busy all weekend and haven't had a chance to get on here… I don't even understand why it's like this right now. It doesn't make sense. I mean… I suppose it's because I'm a little stressed right now with school and I'm just a little down about my (ex) boyfriend and all… I just… I don't understand.
My grandfather is being a major pain in my arse right now. I shouldn't even be surprise really. I just get really upset when he tries to discredit everything. I've posted somethings on facebook here recently about my depression (pictures explianing it mainly) and he's like I'm so glad I don't let anyone or anything get into my head and let me feel down. No mind you he says this all the time. And to you it may seem harmless. But it's as if he's saying that my depression is a weakness. Which I guess it is… But I don't really know how to explain it I guess. He's basically saying that I WANT to be upset. That I'm letting these feeling take over and consume because because that it what I want. And keeps saying that I shouldn't be depressed or upset or anything really because I'm a teenager and I have nothing to be depressed about or to worry about or to be upset about. And that's just the thing. I don't need anything to be depressed. It could be the best freaking day in the history of days, and I could still be sad and still want to cut myself and perhaps kill myself. I keep trying to tell him how I feel and what I know is right. But everytime I do, he simply shrugs it off saying that I just think I know everything because I'm a teenager. Which really doesn't make any sense because he has said himself that I am smart for my age and that I above the normal teenager. That I know how to deduct things and put them together quickly and I just know a lot of information in general. But why, when I tell him something that he doesn't agree upon, he sudden calls me a normal teenager and that I don't know anything?! Why when I try to tell him the opition percpective of something such as religion or depression or gay rights, he doesn't even listen to me? He said that he would always hear what I have to say. But he lied.
I just don't want to care anymore. I'm tired of feeling down or upset because of my family. I'm tired of caring what other people think or who they think I should date because I'm pretty sure the reason why I am so down right now is because of them, partially at least. I chose to listen to them and take action upon it to better the relationship of others. But in the end, instead of trying to make myself happy, I made others happy. So now I am suffering. It really is my fault though.
Have to go. class is ending. Continue later maybe. Thanks for reading.