I’ve always tried my best to achieve everything I set out to so I wouldnt live with regrets. I have always tried to travel as much and see the world so I wouldn’t miss out. I have cried so much about feeling all alone in this world, about having no friends, no family there for me, no one that understands, wants to understand or wants to be there to support me and my bipolar self. We all know it’s hard, I’ve been there for many people suffering mental health, but when are people there for me?. I literally had the one person in my life who was my best friend, and I literally love him so much, now all I can think about is how I missed the chance to be happy because I believed I didn’t deserve him. Why should I get the happy ever after? And now all I’m doing is getting into depression now regretting it so much. How do people get out of this and move on? I need to move forward, I see no other way.
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Self-esteem issues and self-doubt are ruthless, aren’t they? Rumination is just as bad. I am still pining over a guy who I let myself develop serious feelings for, in spite of never feeling like I was fit to shine his shoes – let alone be a friend (or more). Granted, his body language and nonverbal cues were confusing as all get-out, but I think I could have gotten past the awkwardness if I didn’t hate myself so much. The sting of not telling him how I felt – combined with my Pollyanna-ish hope that he’d have felt the same way about me – is a festering wound that will probably never heal.
I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you. I distract myself with movies, TV shows, music and hobbies so I don’t have time to think about what I regret. I have learned that ruminating and wallowing in regret will not change the past – it only robs me of my future.
Spend your time working on becoming the best you that you can be, so that you can give the best of yourself to the right person when you meet him.
Definitely, self esteem is so low 🙁 despite me feeling so low about myself he still tried to build me up, and it’s like I didn’t allow myself to see it and believe he was actually caring, now I’ve ruined any type of friendship too, so it’s completely over. It’s so bad you allowed yourself to finally feel for someone but didn’t feel you was worthy enough to pursue it, it’s hard for me to be telling you to believe in yourself and your worthyness as I’m not feeling that way either, but honestly we should be able to feel confident in ourselves and believe we can go out there and feel for people and allow someone to feel for us and believe it’s real.
It’s so true, I do try to distract myself, my new job is helping me, it’s just when I got time I think about it 🙁 hopefully time will heal, and I dont want it to rob me of what could be a beautiful bright future.
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice 🙂