This Mothers Day was actually a very nice one for me. I found a wifi hotspot so that I could access the internet and skype with my kids. I miss them terribly but even though I couldnt see them in person today my husband seems to be really appreciating me since I have been gone. That has made today a nice day 🙂

Also I didnt have to talk with my mom today either. My husband was kind enough to send her a card for me and since I cant communicate with anyone unless I borrow pizza huts wifi I didnt talk with her either.

She was/is abusive and though I will always love her, I just cant let her near me ever again. I wont meet with her in person unless its a neutral public place and I have my own car so I can escape. I try very hard to not talk to her on the phone so I can have as much time as I need to figure out what to say. She no longer scares me or has a hold on me or hurts me but that is a very very new development and I plan to keep it that way.

I dont hate her. I believe she has an undiagnosed mental illness, likely bipolar or schizophrenia or both. Probably some severe OCD and maybe a few others. I doubt she is capable of love as most of us know it. Given all of that I still feel its my responsibility to protect myself from her. I did a wonderful job protecting and raising my sister and now it is my turn to protect myself.

I do wish I had a way to call my Grandmother and wish her a happy mothers day. I usually send a card but I hope she can forgive me. I have no money at all. We did get food stamps this month so my husband was able to go buy food for the kids and himself. I cant even afford the gas to go home and see them this weekend but I did work some overtime this week. Maybe things will start looking up and I can afford to visit them or they can afford to come visit me.

For right now though, I had a nice Mothers Day considering and I sure hope that everyone else out there did too! Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers!!! 🙂