Somewhere, a writer sits, and puts all these thoughts and feelings on paper. Adds a rythm to it and it becomes a song. A song that tells someone I'll love you forever and how no one else will ever take that place. Someone felt that way, right? To put those words down meant someone felt that way about another person. And maybe because I'm always so wrapped up in music that I need that feeling. In another life I should have married a musician who has that passion for the lyrics like I do. And then maybe some of that passion would have spilled out to our relationship. At least that's what I fantasize about. Because that's just not my reality.

I am a giver. I find out someone needs a hand, something they can't seem to find or don't have time to do and I do it. And I'm the type that prefers for it to be done without recognition. I'm good with heading up an endeavor and then hearing a simple thank you to the team who put it together, even if I did most of the work. I rarley say no to someone who needs help with something. I will sort of dodge someone if I know they might ask me because of my difficulty with the word no, but that doesn't happen much. So I guess the frustrationis with the lack of things happening for me in return. I try not to expect it, but it sure would be nice.

My money situation isn't ideal but I recently got my tax return back and since we had such a terrible year last year we got most of our money back. And since I am always as rich as the money in my pocket and my friend had a bad year as well, without the hope of getting a return, I decided to buy her a ticket for a show in New York with me. Now, before I did it, I asked if anyone else was interested in going and her reply was basically a "hey, what about me?". I didn't want her to feel pressured to spend money she might not have so I didn't mention it to her. Well, after that, we talked, and she said she wanted to go.I bought our tickets, My tax money splurge. About a week later she says she's not sure it's a good idea because of a coupleother things she has going on. Well now at this point I'm out the money. But hey, it's only cash. I can get over that. It's more the thing that I could name a few other people she wouldn't have back peddled on. And considering I paid for the tix and didn't ask for anything for them she really doesn't HAVE to spend that much to go. So I took it personally. And I'm trying to understand, but I still feel like I just was't important enough to go with. So now of course I'm taking the hard road where I plan to go alone. Which secretly makes me sad. Because like only the sad songs tell you, "only the lonely can play".

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