the first time i questioned myself on my sexuality was last summer I was starting to notice more and more that I kept having attractions to girls at first I thought that I was just admiring their beauty and I didn’t want to think that there was a possibility that I could be anything but a straight girl after all that was all that anyone really asked of me just be the girly you that we all know you are my family used to say. to be honest deep down I knew it was never what I really wanted when the school year started up again I discovered that my school had a LGBT+ group and i instantly wanted to go I talked to one of my close friends who was Gay for help on how to get to the club without thinking that I was part of the community my family had shown me many times that they looked down on people like that even for a time so did i due to family experiences which made even more difficult for me to accept for myself. when I went to the club for the first time i smiled so much that I thought my mouth was going to fall off it was the first time that I felt that i could truly be myself in a long time when i went home that day i told my mom that I had gone to support a friend which was true i just left out the part about also going for myself after a few more times of going to the club my mom became suspicious by this time I had also come to the conclusion that I was bisexual meaning i liked both girls and guys one late night i finally told my mom and to be honest i didn’t know how she was going to react…. long story short it didn’t go well there was a lot of blaming and she honestly didn’t believe that I could be anything but a straight girl because of how much I pretended to be just that but she eventually stopped bringing it up and continued letting me go to the club as the year went on something still felt wrong which angered me why couldn’t I just be happy.
later on I started looking at the option if I was a girl or not and soon I would learn that I had finally figured out what was wrong at first I came out as non binary i was to afraid of being trans at the time what would my family think of me then at least this way I could still be feminine for them but again as time went something still was missing and this time i knew exactly what it was. I was a boy and for the first time in my life I was starting to recognize that it was okay and that I should have to be a girl just because its what my family thinks is the best thing Im not happy that way when my mom found out this time she got really angry and nearly sent me t my fathers and said that if i was just confused then that was fine but if I wanted to be a boy then I was perverted being that Im not that secure of a person I gave in and said that I would try and be a girl for her after all its not like I hated all girl things or what was considered girl things and I did try for two days I tried so hard but by the end of the second day i felt unhappy and upset so I made a plan I now know that I won’t be accepted at home so until I am at the age of 18 I have to pretend at home to be a girl and then in 4 years I can transition myself.