Hi to everyone out in OCD Blog world:

I come to the group for advice.

My dad came over to visit me on Saturday for a few hours. We were discussing jobs. I had mentioned this. The reason being was Friday I saw something for a place called Michael's on Craigslist and my OCD started going nuts.

I am going to go to what happened Friday then back to the Saturday visit. I went on Michael's site and was relieved to see they were not hiring for that job which was sales associates. Supposedly they were looking for managers in two other locations. I then went on a site called Snag a Job. That was a big mistake. They were hiring replenishment people, cashiers etc. Now granted I have not worked in five years I still see things I COULD do. The problem is I do basically nothing every day. So I don't want to change my routines and possibly get in a new routine to be fired. But at the same time it would be nice to be working.  I realize  half the battle is getting the call back not just sending a resume and getting the job. Even when  you get the call it does not mean anything. I know a few on here have had interviews that they were hoping not to get jobs out of. I hate to say this but when I apply I am trying to prove to my family I am not employable. It is like insurance. They bet you will live and you bet you will die. They do not want to pay out. I really don't want to change my routine and when I am either told someone is hiring or I see it or in the case with BJ's apply and get a call it tears at me. I am sitting hoping it will be nothing.  At the same time if I go and it was or could have been something I am kicking myself. You see if there is a job and it becomes nothing I say at least I did not do anything. But with BJ's it could have been something and I am hoping it would have been nothing so I prove my intuition  right. 

Until I started with jobs the visit was good. I wish he could be honest and keep the kid  gloves on me but as you know that is not being 100% honest. He gave me two options go into the hospital or get a job. Neither is too appealing. I have heard about the hospital from some people on here. At the same time I do not feel I am in the right mindframe to go back to work. To me getting a job and lasting at it at most six months is ridiculous. If I said I had one job for five or six years and then I was hesistant with my history that would not make sense. I had one job for five days another for eight days.  There was another for seven weeks, nine and then a couple that were close to six months. The actual chronological order was Burger King eight days, Stop and Shop a little over five months, King Kullen about five and a half months, Walmart nine weeks, Waldbaums seven weeks I was in the hospital for one. Restaurant Depot five days. 

I then thought of doing a contract job but that would change my routine. I figured if I knew when the job would end I would be able to commit  to it and do a good job. I noticed I always have needed finality on when to start and end things. But if I go a few weeks between I might get back into bad routines. I have always thought well I know I am not staying there forever but at the same time I want to do something. 

I am sure from this you can see how I am confused. My dad is worried about me and rightfully so. But I am really scared to change. I hate the way things are going but at the same time all I do is fail. I am not sure the way I act putting myself in that setting is great. When  I was in the best of times I still mouthed off to people and got in fist fights. My dad said well after a few weeks you get into a new routine. I was thinking there were two jobs that did not even make two weeks. You send out resumes and emails to people and after awhile you give up. I hate to say it but that is what has happened. 

I wish the visit could have been longer but it was not. 

Hope you all enjoy the blog.

Please comment if this pertains to you.  

 Marc