So life lately has been hecket with me trying to figure out what is going on with my body. I am depressed over this and that i am still haven't concieve yet. I am going to the doc today and hopefully get some answer as to why this is happening. The boyfriend is getting on my nerves anymore, and things between us isn't where i would like it to be nor are they back to the way when we first started dating. I still have a funny feeling he is cheating on me but i have no proof so i haven let it go, it just that slight feeling i get at times. He is always on that damn x box and never really wants to spend anytime with me, and if he is he playing the x box. Then he wants me to rub him all the time. Then when he isn't on the x box or i am not rubbing in he is bothering the hell out of me. All i want in return is feel apprated and be given some "love". He has no drive anymore and i get to the point that he is  not attracted to me. When i talk to him about it he makes it sound like that is all i am after. Well after 2 weeks to a month of not getting anything, for having AF for 3 weeks , i want it. I mean i would think he would want it to. Nope he just sit there on his damn x box. We dont go out and do anything anymore, i can't get him out of the house, he doesn't want to leave. when i go out then he calling me asking what i am doing and when i am going to be home. It even like that with family. I have basically cut myself off with all my old friends just to be with him. I don't go out and hang out with my best guy friend because the damn bf think i am cheating. I would never cheat on him, it wrong in all accounts in my book. I am depressed but at lease i get up and get on with my day as much as waking up is sometimes hell for me. I make sure the bills are payed and that i go to work evety weekend. Still i am baby crazie right now and it driveing me insane not having a baby. When i figure out what is wrong with me, then i will go from there i guess. Then again if in 3 months i am not pregnate then i will go to a specialize. I have a plan with in a year if i am not pregnate i will adopted, i think. So right now i have a lot to think about but my heart is telling me one thing and my brain is telling me another. So so so so confused. The worse thing about this is all i might leave him for a while to better myself. I love him and i am madly in love with him but you love someone and not be with them, Right? I hate to hurt him but if i dont do something for myself i might end up back how i was a few years ago and i promise myself that i would never be like that again. God give me strenght!


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