Hi to everyone out in OCD Blog world:

 

I come to the group for advice.

 

My dad came over to visit me on Saturday for a few hours. We were discussing jobs. I had mentioned this. The reason being was Friday I saw something for a place called Michael's on Craigslist and my OCD started going nuts.

 

I am going to go to what happened Friday then back to the Saturday visit. I went on Michael's site and was relieved to see they were not hiring for that job which was sales associates. Supposedly they were looking for managers in two other locations. I then went on a site called Snag a Job. That was a big mistake. They were hiring replenishment people, cashiers etc. Now granted I have not worked in five years I still see things I COULD do. The problem is I do basically nothing every day. So I don't want to change my routines and possibly get in a new routine to be fired. But at the same time it would be nice to be working.  I realize  half the battle is getting the call back not just sending a resume and getting the job. Even when  you get the call it does not mean anything. I know a few on here have had interviews that they were hoping not to get jobs out of. I hate to say this but when I apply I am trying to prove to my family I am not employable. It is like insurance. They bet you will live and you bet you will die. They do not want to pay out. I really don't want to change my routine and when I am either told someone is hiring or I see it or in the case with BJ's apply and get a call it tears at me. I am sitting hoping it will be nothing.  At the same time if I go and it was or could have been something I am kicking myself. You see if there is a job and it becomes nothing I say at least I did not do anything. But with BJ's it could have been something and I am hoping it would have been nothing so I prove my intuition  right. 

Until I started with jobs the visit was good. I wish he could be honest and keep the kid  gloves on me but as you know that is not being 100% honest. He gave me two options go into the hospital or get a job. Neither is too appealing. I have heard about the hospital from some people on here. At the same time I do not feel I am in the right mindframe to go back to work. To me getting a job and lasting at it at most six months is ridiculous. If I said I had one job for five or six years and then I was hesistant with my history that would not make sense. I had one job for five days another for eight days.  There was another for seven weeks, nine and then a couple that were close to six months. The actual chronological order was Burger King eight days, Stop and Shop a little over five months, King Kullen about five and a half months, Walmart nine weeks, Waldbaums seven weeks I was in the hospital for one. Restaurant Depot five days. 

 

I then thought of doing a contract job but that would change my routine. I figured if I knew when the job would end I would be able to commit  to it and do a good job. I noticed I always have needed finality on when to start and end things. But if I go a few weeks between I might get back into bad routines. I have always thought well I know I am not staying there forever but at the same time I want to do something. 

 

I am sure from this you can see how I am confused. My dad is worried about me and rightfully so. But I am really scared to change. I hate the way things are going but at the same time all I do is fail. I am not sure the way I act putting myself in that setting is great. When  I was in the best of times I still mouthed off to people and got in fist fights. My dad said well after a few weeks you get into a new routine. I was thinking there were two jobs that did not even make two weeks. You send out resumes and emails to people and after awhile you give up. I hate to say it but that is what has happened. 

 

I wish the visit could have been longer but it was not. 

 

Hope you all enjoy the blog.

 

Please comment if this pertains to you.  

 Marc

2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 14 years ago

    There is not much to say.  You want to resist the one true thing about being alive and that is we and our environments are constantly changing and their is an ongoing adaptablility to each change.

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  2. marc81980 14 years ago

    Hi:

    I realize that is the only constant about being alive but I never could handle change.

     

    Marc

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