It has been almost two months now. i couldnt remember at first when i stopped because it was kind of a spure of the moment thing. But i thought back and it was right after my boyfriends birthday that i stopped. His birthday was december 5th. so im going to say it was the 11th. so saying almost two months is still accurate right.? Anyways, the wanting is still there. everyday, actually numerous times a day. i can honestly say its not wanting vicodin or percocept. I just want a xanax or something to calm down. i feel so anxious all the time. i mean dont get me wrong, i still want the pain meds but i find myself wishing for a xanax more.
I hate feeling like im ruining my relationship because of what im going through. I cant even talk to my partner about how im feeling or what im thinking. it hasnt been two months and he is already sick of hearing about it. i cant help that it is what im always thinking about. I'm not going to be like this forever, just for a little while while i get over the hard parts. but how do you do that when you feel like you have no one.? Quiting has brought so many insecurities to the surface, so many feelings and things i tried so hard over the years to bury. i know i should look into counseling or therapy but i have tried all those routes before and jason said he would help me, he said he would be my person through this because he wanted me to see myself how he see's me but i couldnt do that while on the pills. he said he wouldnt let me fall because he would catch me. well, i feel alone all the time, i hate all of these insecurities and feeling like he is sick of me because yes i am moopy, i dont have any energy, everything in my body hurts, and im sorry but i feel like im falling fast and hard and i dont think there is going to be anyone there to catch me..