Wow, my first ever blog!

I'm not really sure how to 'blog', but i guess it's about what i want to say and share, so i'll just go for it

Bit of background – I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder in September 2008, after having suffered from it for almost 10 months prior. Those 10 months were the hardest of my life so far. I had vicious panic attacks, but at the time i didn't know what they were. I thought i was physically ill, but i kept my fears to myself. It got to a point where i wasn't sleeping for more than an hour a night, and was so anxious i couldn't eat without throwing up. All kinds of things were going through my mind – was it blood poisoning? a brain tumour? cancer? But still i kept my fears to myself. It came to a head when it came time to go back to school after the summer break. I managed to get into the school, but when faced with going to my first lesson i just couldn't do it. I broke down and demanded to be sent home, where i confessed to my father that i couldn't go into school. I was sent to see my doctor, who referred me to my current psychiatrist, Kenny, and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder.

I've never told anyone, other than Kenny, just how long it was going on before i sought help, so i'm glad i've 'blogged' about it now

It's half term here, so i've got two weeks off school. I know the first day back is going to be really hard, but i also know i'll never beat this if i don't put myself in situations i feel worst in. I also know that i've got another week and a half of being able to sleep longer in the morning, so that's a definate bonus!

At the moment i'm dating a guy called Leslie. In the beginning i was worried about telling him about my problems with anxiety. I was confused – Should i make a joke out of it, and have a laugh about it? Should i tell him at all? In the end i just told him straight, we had a normal chat about it and, to be honest, he seemed interested rather than freaked out. I don't know if anyone else out there has had similar worries, but the best tip i can give is – just tell them! If you're going to have a serious relationship, they will find out anyway. So be straight with them, have a laugh about it if you want, but make sure you explain your problem to them. People get freaked out by mental illness because they don't understand it. As long as you help them understand, they'll be fine with it

I feel like i've said enough for one night, so i'll leave it there. If anyone wants to chat any time feel free to leave me a comment or add my MSN, i'd love to hear from you

Carla Jayne ♥xo