As i sit outside indulging in one of  my many unhealthy habits, it gives me the alone time in my psyche that i usually successfully avoid. Its apparent that individually, we really have no idea what were doing. We wake up &  hope for the best or cope through our worst. I feel as if time is passing & im just waiting until the inevitable happens. I don’t have much to look forward to at the moment but what keeps me here is the glimmering hope that i can be an exception to the generational curse my family so lovingly created.  I cant help but wonder how my current issues manifested & the impact of my  early childhood trauma of drugs, low societal status & abusive exposure had & if so, why was it that regardless of been given the  chance of being adopted into different circumstances, it did not initiate an overall successful result.  Every family has its fair share of issues, mine was no different. I was not free of  emotional/mental baggage by any means & It  led to a damaged development that welcomed destruction. Though i have never met my birth mother, we have the connection of tribulation. Our paths have turned out eerily similar. I wonder what difference it would of been if she was a presence in my life. A million questions run through my mind. What does she sounds like &  if we look the same, Did she ever get clean? Does she remember the moment they took me away? Or am i too late to ever get these questions answered because shes rotting  somewhere in a grave. Can i live knowing i will never know who i am?

 

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