Tomorrow is yet another first day of classes of the semester. I always choose to do more school, continue with my education, and I always forget my overpowering lack of motivation. Learning I love. Exams, presentations, group projects I detest. So much stress accompanies my experience with school and somewhere along the line I completely lost my drive. I am still dedicated to receiving my degree but almost incapable of putting in the required effort to get there. How am I supposed to throw myself into my studies when all I can think about during the day is surviving it? Getting through each day without feeling horrible is a huge accomplishment in and of itself; how am I supposed to succeed in anything else beyond that? I also fear entering the work force, due to the fact that the consequences are much worse for not showing up to work than not showing up to class. Everywhere I go, I see happy people with other happy people laughing and smiling. I make the assumption, which I know is not always true, that these people don't share my experience of preferred isolation until I get desperate for human interaction. Most of the time, it is too exhausting to consider. Throwing myself into a good book, movie or television show is so much easier. I don't ever have to talk, but I can find meaning and enjoyment and emotions and connection within my stories. But they aren't real. I'm afraid I am missing out on life, on life at a young age, and that I will deeply regret it in the future. But these thoughts pile on even more pressure to be "normal", and to enjoy making the effort to be constantly social, and then I fall farther. How am I supposed to "put myself out there" when I am working so hard already to get through each day? Putting myself out there means I was able to go outside to do an activity and it is an accomplishment to do so without feeling even worse. I really don't have a point to this blog, or a main message. I am unsure of what I'm supposed to say here, so maybe my future posts will be more organized.
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Dream
Epic_Fail, , Depression, Child, 0
I wish I was deaf. I wouldn''t have to hear my dad yelling right now. Anyways, about the dream....
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Some advice please! =/
Ghostgirl, , Depression, Anxiety, Questions, Relationships, 1
The quarter is almost over, I have no more classes, and I'm stuck in something of a social dilemma....
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Is moving so easy?
Unique_person, , Depression, Depression, Sleep Disorders, 0
I know for a fact being at home is a major factor of my depression. I can't stay with...
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I hurt.
Hiyou, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Suicide, Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
Here I am older now. Healthy until a few weeks ago. I have major depression but have pretty much...
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Back to me
tinyrachie, , Depression, Depression, Suicide, Weight Loss, 1
So I've been trying for a few months to pick up the broken pieces of my identity and put...
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Anxiety and Self-hatred are Stopping Me from Living
kpet, , Anxiety, Depression, Teens, Anxiety, Relationships, Stress, 1
I’m having a lot of difficulty just getting through recent days. I’ve been struggling this year with the stress...
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Better news/conundrum/pain
sadjac, , Depression, Career, Domestic Abuse, Stress, Weight Loss, 1
Well I made it to class today.. on time too! On the bus to class, while travelling, I suddenly...
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50 facts about me
naomijane, , Depression, Career, OCD, Relationships, Religion, 0
1. i love music. 2. Double spacing irritates me! 3. oh yeah i have OCD. 4. i have 2...