Wow…was that a whirlwind that I just went through, or what???
My husband and I have had some major problems lately, which I am sure is just a part of why I have been sooo depressed lately, but just a week ago, he told me that it was time for me to go ~ and I did. He "can't handle the depression" – yeah, well, walk a mile in MY shoes!! He's an alcoholic, which, like depression, is a sickness…but I NEVER would have dreamed of leaving him because of it…and God knows, if it were cancer, I know I'd be there – through sickness and in health…apparently, those words mean more to me than him.
I'm not one looking for confrontation, and would prefer to end this as civilly as possible, but he's just informed me that he cannot be my friend. So, not only have I lost him, which in all honesty, I suppose, isn't much (how does one just throw their significant other under the bus like this???)…but now I have nothing…no money, no home, no phone, no car, no job, nothing ~ as he's also going to hold any job I could do (I'm a freelance graphic designer and he is a website designer) hostage, and not let me have them. He'll make other arrangements.
He's blanking me out of his world, slowly but surely…he wanted the car title today, too…but I told him that I won't sign that over yet. (I kinda thought we were headed down this road, and I think I may want the car…afterall, I have to be able to get to a job should I get one – he works from home, so who needs it more?)
I'm 52 years old – and this was my third husband…I'm soooo done with it, now. I will NOT be putting my heart out there again ~ I think I can be happier being alone, with my kids and grandkids around to love.
I am just worried about what my future holds, though…where do I go from here? In this economy, places are not hiring the 20-somethings, let alone the 50-somethings…besides, I cannot offer all I have in the past, as my health just will not allow it, anymore – depression, aside, I have high blood pressure, COPD, and tachycardia. OMG, what am I going to do??? I can't even afford to get out of this marriage – lawyer consult might be free, but after that they aren't ~ and I don't know if he would have to pay for it or not (it's not the same world as when I went through my first divorce).
I just feel as though I've gone from bad to worse…not sure I can go any further down, so I hope I can pull myself back up after this. I'm sooo sick of being sick and feeling as though life sucks…this is NOT who I am or who I want to be…