I've started thinking about going to see a psychiatrist again just because it bothers me that ive never been given a straight answer as to what is different about (because I hesitate to use the word wrong with) me. All I really know for sure is that I have a good memory, a tiny bit of dyslexia, and a good amount of ADHD which adds up to a lazy child who gets ok grades doing no work, except in math, numbers make me angry. When I went to see a psychiatrist… She made a few dumb suggestions and I couldent restrain from giggling at her. A few sessions later tho she said something about ADHD making it hard for her to tell if I have bipolar disorder or depression and she sent me to a psychologist, who repeated the same thing and then came up with the solution of sweeping all unknown problems under the rug and putting me on a stimulant ADHD medication. Then I stopped going and just resumed going to the normal doctor who put me on nonstimulant medication because I get bad side effects from stimulants. So now it's just generally forgotten about, my parents either forgot or pretend they dont remember the hinting that something was wrong. I'm excessively nervous and terrified of sounding stupid, so I didn't bother telling the doctor. So now it's like only I know and I kinda perfer it that way. 3 days ago I recomended trying a stimulant type medication and the dr was all for it, and its going pretty well. It would be nice if I could just walk into a doctors office, take a test and be told exactly what's wrong, why it's happening, and given a solution, but apparently it's not that simple. I also have a fear that I'll walk in and just be told nothings wrong, your just stupid and strange and don't fit in anywhere. Or be told that things are worse than I thought and that's why I'll never accomplish anything in life and I should just give up now. I'm realizing that writing/ typing is a really helpful way to work through thoughts and get a better view on what your thinking, but I probably shouldent be posting such long things that really aren't about much, if anyone has read through this one or both blogs and found them to be a complete waste of time, sorry.