I was born in the year 2007. My life never was the best. I have to admit I do take that a lot of this is what I would consider all my fault but I don’t know. New things come up every day it seems for me. I guess it all started when I was 5. I had just started pre-school and I was highly overweight. Nobody deserves to be such cruel people, but I had the misfortune of being with peers who mentally abused me just for laughs and their cruel joy. I ended up getting pushed off a big wooden platform in the playground by some kids. I remember none of the teachers coming to help me until one did but all she did was trying to calm me down but nobody believed me, then I just got in trouble for not being in the classroom like I was supposed to be. I’ve always had this stuffed animal puppy named “Ralphie.” I used to bring him for “nap time” but the pre-school teachers would always take him from me.. make me put him away.. and take my blanket.. They wouldn’t give us our nap stuff until we were asleep. That’s how I learned to keep my eyes barely open, just enough to see, but not enough that they will notice I’m not asleep. I also learned from this how to slow my breathing so much that I seem like I’m asleep. My parent’s never had a lot of money, but we were never considered poor I’d say. It was a late night, my parents had let me get a doll I had wanted so much, but we were low on money so much. This still haunts me.. my mom and dad starting putting away food that they wanted and we needed just so I could have my toy… I told them they could take it back.. and get the food.. but they refused.. I was so upset with myself and felt so guilty. I’ve always blamed myself for my parents money issues ever since. I also remember my dad telling my mom to get me in the car, and stay in there with me and call 911. Apparently, a woman got her head crushed in by a big truck. This happened on the same night of the doll incident. I didn’t see the body.. but I heard what sounded like the bang of something getting crushed or hit. My mom left my dad and me a lot. She would just take the keys to the car and leave in the middle of a fight/argument and leave. I remember staying up all night sometimes just crying and waiting for her to come home.. begging the world for her to come home and not leave me…  She was never abusive though.. Neither of my parents was ever. What about my school life during all of this? Well, It was still Hell. School has always been tough for me. I’m not pretty, smart, or “normal.” I’m the weird freak girl that everybody talks about and makes fun of because she wears “collars” and is an emotional “edgy” mess.. Am I a mess? Yes. I’ve never gone to a therapist except to get “checked out” by a woman to figure out “what problems she has.” My mom told me I was going to meet other kids like me, so I could have friends finally. Yes, I hadn’t made a single friend at all. I was 7 or 8 at this time. To be honest, I thought my mom was taking me there to leave me.. Like some sort of orphanage or foster care place.. an adoption center.. I hated how my mom kept whispering to the woman.. neither of them would tell me what’s wrong with me.. I found out on my own. I ended up going on this medication that nearly killed me because it was causing me to starve myself. I’ve also always had an issue with crying, especially in front of people. My grandpa was not fond of crying. Let’s just say he was very fond of using a switch {the sharp whip-like stick } and using a belt even when it came to not doing what he wanted or daring to go against him.  He stopped that though when one day he finally wacked me on the back of my right leg so hard that it drew blood. He did it because I was sobbing, scared, in pain, feeling helpless, and because he thought my blubbering to “Please stop” and “I’m sorry” was me talking back.. He got blood clots twice and got lung cancer. Thankfully, he got over all of it. My grandmother has always been sweet to me but she’s kinda two-faced and she goes mental if I start crying. One slip-up in my tone also can piss her off so badly. My dad cheated on my mom 4 times before I was born and then 3 more times in my lifetime. I’ve always lived in this small town which means every bully I have I cannot escape. I’d do just about anything at this point just to be able to change schools and have another shot. All the truest friends I have had and probably will ever have are online. Including my boyfriend. He’s older than me by 3 years. He’s amazing and my one escape. Until now that is. I decided to write this blog and join this community because I suffer from so much. My life kinda seems like a bad story. It’s surprising the stuff that happens every day for me that would be so crazy for “normal” people but it’s just normal for me. {and others I’m sure.} I wanna meet more people like me. I need people I can talk to that will understand. This is only a very short summary of my life. I cut out a lot of stuff that I should of probably kept in but this is kinda just a part of it all that I will talk more about with the people that reach out to me with curiosity. I’d love to talk & I’ll try to keep everybody who does stay tuned posted. And just for context, my life has gotten better but I need more help. The more you read about me and my everyday life I believe you will see what I mean. Here I sign… Livi Lynn.

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