Things going on:

Mom in law – Battling Lung Cancer for the 3rd time. WBC is 1.5 and RBC are 5. Hemoglobin is 7.

Father in law – Schitzophrenic, Depressessed, Diabetic, and has Glaucoma.

Me – My brain is broken.

Hubby – My superman.. but even he breaks.

My daughter – We protect her a lot! I just put the HUGE barbie house.. which helped me get active to clean it all.. and its furniture for her.. Hubby and I spend time with her when she gets home from daycare and we learn and practice things.. even if I feel like im dying inside.

If i had to pick one thing I could focus on right now it would be her. (but realistically I can't.. i gotta spread myself thin in a sense.) My mother "gave up" when I was 4 months old due to post partum. My life changed when I had my daughter… 2 months in (Oct 2010) I began with anxiety… at 7 months (March 2011) when my anxiety was blowing up I got a job. That caused me to get panic attacks by Month 10 (June 2011) and then planning my daughter's first bday (Aug 8 2011) and working full time in a very hectic job after her bday party I broke down. I was in that black hole and it has taken me 3 years in Aug 2013 to get where I am now. After 6 mental health breaks and lots of psychology I can say Im mentally better and stronger and that giving up is not the only option. Thats the easy way. My motivation is that I KNOW how it feels to lose a parent to mental illness. I do NOT want her having the same unanswerable questions in her mind that I did. I want her to KNOW me… not hear it from others because thats never accurate. Thats my fuel.. thats my motivation.. thats my life.



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