Well this was a pretty quiet week even though i spent mon. – thurs at my oldest daughters house. My old place of residence 2 yrs ago. Anyways she wasn't feeling too well, PMS..eekesss..glad i'm over that shit, but i felt bad for her. But truth is, even when she isn't feeling physically bad,,she's still feeling shitty. She has a downer attitude all the time, pretty much. I wish i could just hug her and make all her problems just go away. She has a VERY low self esteem and i just can't fix that. She is a very complicated young woman, she's 28.  Gosh i really can't explain her in just a few words….no friggin way.

My youngest daughter, tia, she's 17. She moved out of here last year to her dads, then to her sisters, then in with her boyfriend, now she spends the week with her dad and weekends with her b/f. She's gone back to school!!!! WOOT HOOT!!! Alternative Education. She goes to LCC(Lansing Community College) in the mornings, for Criminal Justice, and goes to her classes at Alt. ED in the afternoon. I am so friggin PROUD of her. In the past she had quit school 2 times and was doing nothin but sittin around, gettin high, hangin with friends, and playing guitar hero. I love her soo much. Both my girls!!!! I actually really think she's gotten her shit together and realizes what she does today will affect what happens tomorrow. And doing nothing….results in nothing.  I wish i could see her every day. When she left here, i was a wreck. We had been together for 16 yrs, she was my rock. Brings tears to my eyes just thinkin about how much i love and miss her. sux.  On to happier thoughts!!!!!

I finally got the book i bought off ebay last weekend. It's called "Feeling Good" by David Burns M.D. It was highly recommended to me from ppl from other anxiety/deppression groups too. I had decided to ween myself off Cymbalta and work on my feelings and how they affect my moods and outlook on my life. Want to change those damn negative thoughts to positive and be more pessimistic(however ya spell it..lol).   I took my very last Cymbalta last Saturday, since then i have been havin oodles of brain zaps. Wooo. Strange feeling. But i am going to plow through it damnit. Keep to my plan!!!  I always hated diggin deep and analizing myself but if it's what i must do to feel good about myself and stay off the anti depressants….then so be it.   I am still taking Ativan as needed.  I really haven't the energy or knowledge of how to control or avoid my anxiety.  I guess i will work on that later…one thing at a time!!! 

Well looks like i will going on another trip next week. My mom has asked me to go to S.Carolina with her to go to my nephews graduation from basics at Ft.Jackson. I am excited about that for sure!!!! Just wonder how my hubby is gonna react to the news. Guess i will be finding out tonight when i tell him about it aye? hmm.  Wish me luck!!!!!!!!