My stapler at work is stupid, it is designed for one thing…maybe two and it does one of those things it was designed for very badly, It does not staple I fact, if I were to try to staple anything more than three pages thick, the staples would come out of its mouth and drbble off the side of it's lips (if staplers had lips) and they would pool in a puddle of staples on the floor below.
If my stapler at work could speak had lips and it also had legs of some sort.. maybe two legs or four legs ( who knows if staplers are quadrapeds or bipeds?) Anyways, if I needed a staple, and I asked my stapler to come over here to staple something together I am sure that it would walk over to me, it would then apologize to me for being such an inadequet machine and staple impotent.
Then it would reach into it's pants pocket and hand me a bent staple and then say "here you go man" and shamble off with it's stapler head down and it's hands in it's pockets. Keep in mind this would only happen, if My stapler had two or four legs, had hands, wore pants with pockets, had arms and could speak and it also had a head to boot.
When the thing does staple, it staples mighty crappily (thank you MAD LIBS) and I end up having to use a staple puller to pull out the crappily stapled staples. Well, this would happenand i could perform this manuever if I were equipped with a staple puller…my staple puller is M.I.A, it has cheesed out, flown the coup, dissapeared, and just plain vanished before I arrived for employement at my job. I do miss it so…… or at least I miss the thought of having a staple puller for my crappily stapled papers stapled by my crappy stapler. I do not have one of those you see…..those puller thingo's
I thought about going around to see if I could find a desk that may have had more than its one allotment of staple pullers. If I did find said desk, I may get in said desk owners face and yell "Has Obama taught you nothing of right and wrong, how very un-socilist-like behavior of you you greedy Captilist, more than one staple puller per person indeed!" Although if you think about it, thats more indictitive of our Medicaid system here.. whats yours is mine, and whats mine is mine because other people say thats the rules, so live with it……(I did medical billing for Medicaid for 2 years, please don't try to argue with me on this one, you will not win.)
Anyways, if I really get to thinking about it, I may think there are magical forces at work in my office, and at night when everyone leaves, tiny magical "offfice gnomes" come out and play with our office supplies and by morning some may forget to which desk they are supposed to place the "thingy's" back on..This may explain my missing peice of staple-pulling equipment, and it may also explain where my rubber bands go, seeing as I never use them. Yet these bands dissapper every day at alarming rates and not too mention the abundant amount of used "dead" spent staples found in the office carpet throught-out the building.
I may be able to confirm this gnome theory, if I actually see one of these office gnomes in the office and I stop him and ask him if he is doing this stuff. Or If I may see one of these gnomes, but cannot ask him if he is doing this stuff , but I see that he has a pony-tail that has been made with some of my rubberbands, I can confirm my suspicions. Of course I could be wrong, and it could be that my stapler and it's missing puller had some sort of lovers spat, and the puller moved out until they attend counseling..
Of course the stapler, being a guys stapler doesn't want to do any counseling because thats not what real staplers do. The puller on teh other hand, might not budge either qouting things she heard on Dr Phil and Oprah and has moved out to live with her family till the stapler changes…..sigh nothing will ever get resolved I fear and I shall never have the puller back…Of course I did have a thought that the equipemnt lady just got too busy to get around to getting me a puller or somehow forgot to properly equip me with all of my supplies, but as I think of this scenario I chuckle to myself. That option is just too far-fetched to imagine really happening.
Well take care ya'll have a nice night..
Btw, i have thought of just buying one or two staple pullers at the office supply store for me to use, but I am afraid the office gnomes would steal it just to play dodgeball with it or something..(since we dont have real dodgeballs at work, staple-pullers would be the next logical choice.)
P.S. I dont tink I have ever written anything in my life before that used the words "staple-pullers" so many times before..here's another one I will use for good measure in case The Guiness Book people will read this..
Staple-puller and staple-puller…there, that should clench me the record.