So I thought I’d share my story in case it might help anyone. I was an opiate user for about 12 years starting when I was about 17. My life was just one long pause during this time, just my life was paused bcuz everyone else’s kept going. They went to school, bought cars and houses , got married or had children. I watched this remotely or just ignored it bcuz it hurt to think about. It had felt good to be numb to what I’d gotten myself into. I did realize that this was a fake feeling but I also ignored that and pretended everything was ok or going to be… somehow. I would pray all the time “God, please help me find the courage to help myself”. Every wish I made was to help myself but I was too afraid to. I made excuse after excuse about why I couldn’t quit. I didn’t have the money, or the time, I didn’t want to go through the pain (this list could be endless with all the reasons why I couldn’t). I was just afraid, that’s it. Regardless of what you have or don’t have, there will always be someone or someplace that can help. It isn’t easy by any means, this is so so difficult. Probably more difficult then anything in my life. Which considering other things makes me sad that i had a harder time with quitting then more important issues. My husband (who had never been around it before I came along) quit half a year before me. He is still on his methadone treatment and I applaud him for it. He was braver then I was. Our marriage wasn’t rosy during the time we used, we had terrible fights sometimes and always over this stupid drug. But during that time after he quit and i didn’t, we fell apart completely. We were ignoring each other for weeks at a time. We also had other issues that I won’t go into bcuz it’s just too much. Anyway, he gave me an ultimatum after I said yet another time that I would quit “soon”. I watched him get away from that poison and I wanted that for myself so I agreed. I did pretty amazing, it was awful, worse then any other attempt I had made before. I had 9 days off work, I went and got suboxone. I had no insurance and barely any money since every penny I had went to my habit. I called quite a bit of places looking for help and found one that allowed people to make payments. 36 hours after hell began I tried a strip and immediately started to continuously vomit. I did not take another since it had zero effect on withdrawals and made me throw up. After that I went with nothing, I did try to smoke pot but it made me feel worse. Anyway, I went 5 days without anything, I was weak and tired but couldn’t sleep and my bones felt thin plus my mind felt like it was clouded and I couldn’t think. I begged my husband to call and buy some for me. I thought after 3 days I’d be starting to feel normal, this is not true for long term users. After he bought it, he left me. And I used, then I realized that I was alone and would die alone if I didn’t stop. I flushed 90$ in the toilet. Thank god he didn’t get my usual amount which was much much more. I haven’t used since. But after that for 7 more days of no sleep, no energy, heat sensitive and stomach pain, I finally tried the suboxone again. I felt much better, I got healthy and didn’t have that foggy feeling in my head either. I made 8 8mg strips last a year by taking very very small amounts. Coming off that at about .07 mg give or take, was a walk in the park. Some weakness and stomach issues but nothing that over the counter medicine couldn’t cure quickly. It took a year for me to accept whatever comments my loved ones would make towards me. It bothers me but only I can brush those words off and try again. They just love me and missed me for ten years and don’t know how else to express it, this I accept. I want to encourage people to find what they can’t live without and let it motivate them. Keep looking if you haven’t found it. And there’s always people that are there to guide and help even though we are afraid to look for them. I won’t say life is going to be rainbows and cake afterward but it eventually will be after we fix what we ourselves have broken. Most of us were not forced into this lifestyle so it’s our job to pick up our pride and conquer our fear and fix our own mess. If you need help then ask. There are people either in your life, in your town or even on here that can help you find a way. Lastly I just wanted to add that I took the long way around, I didn’t ask for help when I should have. I could have swallowed my pride and fear and went to a free detox center. I was too scared and embarrassed to ask anyone for help and this I wish I would have done. Thankfully I got through it the way I did and I feel fortunate that I’ve done so well. <3