I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 20 – I'm now 27. After some recent stressful times at work, my psychologist has said that my heightened stress has caused me to have OCD episodes. Well – I don't know what else to say but bugger me!

It would appear that my OCD has reared its ugly head in the form of Harm OCD – typical of an OCD sufferer, I felt in necessary to study the inner workings of google to its core to determine if I'm a complete nutcase or not (no pun intended – please don't take offence!).

Continual thoughts keep racing around my brain telling me that I might harm my husband by stabbing him (whom I love dearly and would not want to hurt at all). I continually second guess my ability to stop myself and what if I start enjoying these thought (vomit) and my brain even tries to make me feel worse by making me think i'm having urges. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. My brain keeps asking if i'm a psychopath, if i'm enjoying it, then I get images of me sardonically smiling – this is pure hell.

I am CONSTANTLY feeling ill in the stomach at the moment and am getting headaches, my back is killing from the muscle strain and I constantly feel wired (like i'm hyped on 50 million glasses of red cordial). I am on the verge of tears a fair bit and worry if I stop being emotional incase that means I will commit these horrible acts.

I JUST WANT IT TO STOP. I have started to read brain lock and walking for at least 40 mins per day.

Do others find meditation helps with OCD symptoms? I also don't seem to have compulsions at this stage, which I am fearful of getting.

I am trying to relabel my thoughts as OCD – but it's really difficult. Did others find it really tough and your brain kind of laughs at you like, really – you think you're gonna beat me? Yes I realise i'm talking about my own brain – but it's the only way I can explain.

Any thoughts or hints would be appreciated.

5 Comments
  1. sdluna 8 years ago

    I totally get what you're saying and yes I've been there.  Hang in there, it sounds like you're on the right path! 

     

    As for Brain Lock, at first it's hard, but over time it gets easier.  Just keep pushing yourself and working the steps.  I've had lots of arguments with my OCD (I call him Bob) and my shrink said that it's good to separate yourself from it.  Talking with your brain is good, even if it makes you feel like you're nuts.

     

    Keep it up and keep posting.  The tribe was a huge help for me!

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  2. Jazzie1985 8 years ago

    Thanks for your comments guys, it helps alot to know you're not the only one with this problem. I am strong and I can fight it – I had a bad day yesterday. In answer to your question Simplify – yes I'm on medication. I take 10mg lexapro daily. I also have some sedatives for if the panic attacks get out of control, which I take very sparingly for fear of getting addicted.

    I might have to give my OCD a name – bob is hilarious. Might help me see the funny side \"\"

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  3. cmreeb 8 years ago

    Hi Jazzie,

    I know EXACTLY how you feel.

    Every morning i wake up and think about the obsessive thoughts in my head…and then of course I start obsessing over it!  It's like i have one little racing thought in my head and I cling onto it, obsess about it, and then my stomach gets upset because I start to worry that I'm crazy (skitzo, biplar).  It drives me NUTS! My brain gets s jumbled up with just obsessing about obsessing that i feel anxious, nervous, tense, and i also get headaches.

     

    I'm 22, was diagnosed with GAD, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, OCD, and some depression.  I have also had a few rough days that has made me increasingly depressed and left me crying alot of the time.

     

    I would love to talk more about this with you.  I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

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  4. panther5315 8 years ago

     well hello there my name is rob i am 40 yrs old i live in oregon i am married with 2 kids boy 15 girl 12 i have ocd i have the relgion one its called scrupulosity and i am also bipolar and i take a medcine for ocd and its called serqel and it works awsome just thought id lets you know whats i take for ocd ur friend rob

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  5. Jazzie1985 8 years ago

    Hi Again All,

    Thank you all so much for your support. It really helps. I think the exercise and CBT is starting to work for the better, I feel like I am starting to edge around the corner to the positive side.

    I have been able to think a little clearer today and while I still have a headache, feel unwell in the stomach and sore muscles all in my back – they all seem to feel a little bit better.

    Also, I feel I have a little bit more control over my thoughts. Every the thoughts pop in or try to squeeze past to the front, I keep thinking 'It's OCD, It's OCD".

    Being told as I was growing up that I am one of the nicest people that others could meet, very kind and caring, it is so contradictory to have these thoughts. Irrational thoughts, that's the word I have to remember. They're IRRATIONAL and not me.

    Bloody OCD, even as I type this, it's saying but what if it is that – you don't know for sure. Get to the back you little devil!

    Thank you all again and hopefully I am able to give you support in your darker times (lets hope we all have minimal darker times)

    xxx

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