I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 20 – I'm now 27. After some recent stressful times at work, my psychologist has said that my heightened stress has caused me to have OCD episodes. Well – I don't know what else to say but bugger me!
It would appear that my OCD has reared its ugly head in the form of Harm OCD – typical of an OCD sufferer, I felt in necessary to study the inner workings of google to its core to determine if I'm a complete nutcase or not (no pun intended – please don't take offence!).
Continual thoughts keep racing around my brain telling me that I might harm my husband by stabbing him (whom I love dearly and would not want to hurt at all). I continually second guess my ability to stop myself and what if I start enjoying these thought (vomit) and my brain even tries to make me feel worse by making me think i'm having urges. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. My brain keeps asking if i'm a psychopath, if i'm enjoying it, then I get images of me sardonically smiling – this is pure hell.
I am CONSTANTLY feeling ill in the stomach at the moment and am getting headaches, my back is killing from the muscle strain and I constantly feel wired (like i'm hyped on 50 million glasses of red cordial). I am on the verge of tears a fair bit and worry if I stop being emotional incase that means I will commit these horrible acts.
I JUST WANT IT TO STOP. I have started to read brain lock and walking for at least 40 mins per day.
Do others find meditation helps with OCD symptoms? I also don't seem to have compulsions at this stage, which I am fearful of getting.
I am trying to relabel my thoughts as OCD – but it's really difficult. Did others find it really tough and your brain kind of laughs at you like, really – you think you're gonna beat me? Yes I realise i'm talking about my own brain – but it's the only way I can explain.
Any thoughts or hints would be appreciated.