My first trip to hospital since i was a baby wasn't the most pleasant..i'd always thought i'd be in there for falling out of a tree and breaking an arm or something classic, but no i was admitted for severely harming myself! I took an overdose of paracetamol the night before to knock me to sleep..that worked but i woke up feeling dreadful several times, it got to 9am, i was due to have a counselling session at this time but i had cut my wrist a few minutes before, not thinking straight! I felt nothing for a while then suddenly saw my skin pull away and all i saw was blood and flesh. now i don't cope well with blood, i imediately panicked and ran downstairs to grab the kitchen dishcloth, phoned my counseller and explained what had just happend. i had been unknowingly locked in my house so i ran out the back door and tried to get out the side gate but i became weak as i lost more and more blood, luckily i dont live far from where i have my therapy so she actually walked down the road to find me a shaking mess on the floor next to the gate. I remember this bit clearly! she took the key from my mouth and tried to open the gate for me but she couldn't see doing it backwards, so i had to try with my shaky hands to put it in. The minute the gate opened my heart sank as i saw she looked at my wound, she instructed me to go inside and find a teatowel or something to put pressure on it so i did. we speed walked down the road and i was inspected briefly by the nurse and told i needed to go to hospital, so she drove me there. i had some tests, she told them everything. I was soon taken in an ambulance to the bigger hospital to have my stomache pumped and stitches in my arm. I don't remember much of this part, i just remember my counseller waving me off in an ambulance and i never want to do that again :'( my family have no idea how severe it all was. my mum was told to pick me up from hospital in the middle of the night, i told her i had an accident at college. never felt so alone!!! i haven't slept well since, this was 3 days ago and ive slept 4 hours since 🙁 i keep having horrible flashbacks of lying in bed and being wheeled about through wards. yikes…im so sorry for letting everyone down! But thank you for letting me live. that was too close..half a mm deeper to the left i have a swollen artery which is painful to touch but im told it should heal naturaly with the stitches. is it going to scar? im worried about what im going to say when its time for the bandages to come off. and im scared about having the stitches taken out! aaaaah help what a mess!! everything still aches from all the tetenus jabs, blood tests i had. i'm suddenly stumped for words. still all feels like abit of a dream!!