I felt terrible today. I always feel bad on Mondays but today was worse. I seem to have developed a habit of drinking on Sunday – that's three weeks in a row I've done that now, I must stop! Of course it makes Monday a lot worse, even if it does make Sunday a bit more tolerable.
I hate my job, I have hated it since I started there 6 months ago. It's full of quiet, unfriendly, boring nerds who I have no desire to chat to. Although I would like to have somebody to talk to. My days at work go by so slowly when I don't talk to anyone. Sometimes days can go by and I won't have a proper conversation with another person at all.
Today I thought about ending it all – not suicide, just quitting this awful job. At 10 o'clock this morning I was seriously contemplating just walking out that door and saying "screw you guys, I'm going home". I nearly did, everything was so dull. I can't afford to be out of work, but if I could find something within a couple of months it would be manageable. And I would be able to clear my mind and forget about how bad this job is. But at that moment my manager came over and said he had some urgent project I was to work on. Funny how things work out sometimes.
That didn't cheer me up, but it did give me something to think about for the rest of the day. By the time 5 o'clock came, I was so happy to walk out of there. Only four more days this week. I hope to find a new job soon. It's one of the few things I have to look forward to.
My job is not the main cause of my depression but it really doesn't help.