i will freely admit that this is not the best time of the year for me and many others also.i think about the past (my childhood) and how it`s molded me,both good and bad.

as a kid we were very poor.there was little money and what money there was was spent on alcohol and other vices my parents had.i`m not looking for pity or sympathy but i`m sure it has had some affect on who i am today.it is not my intention to boast but i`ve had some success financially in my adult life.i went to work at an early age,have worked hard,and made some investments. i don`t want for anything material-wise.i have helped family members with college tuition,and with buying cars and homes and i am happy that i`ve been able to do this.


but i have failed them in other ways.i very rarely attend any family functions,birthdays,graduations,etc. a few years ago my niece (my sisters` daughter) graduated college.she was the first to do so in my family and i am so proud of her.i had every intention of attending the ceremony and the party after but at the last moment i backed out.i called and told my sis and she was very upset with me.i didn`t see it as such a big thing at the time but in hindsight i should have been there.while on the phone with her i said what was the problem,i had sent her a check and i thought that was the most imprtant thing. she then said to me something i will never forget.she said Les,if only you were as generous with your time and your heart as you are with money you would be a great uncle. i was livid with her,how dare she say that to me.i hung up on her and for a week i would not answer her messages or emails.in some of the voicemails she was crying but i didn`t care,in my mind i had done what was required to show my love.finally i realized what she meant. i`ve always equated showing my love with money or gifts,it`s much easier to do that then to say i love you or i need you.obviously i have said these words many times but have i really meant them,i don`t know.this pattern also applies to the many relationships i`ve had and to my 2 failed marriges.i really don`t know…

anyway it`s Christmas Eve and once again i cancelled attending a family Christmas gathering but i did send checks out…

1 Comment
  1. sadviolinist 9 years ago

    ((((Les))))  I'm sorry you're feeling unable to go to the gathering with your family.  I have problems with that all of the time…I couldn't keep an appointment if my life depended on it.  Well, I'm not THAT bad, but it gives you an idea. 

    I see a lot of similarities between your family and mine. In my family, love was shown through food, not verbal or physical affection.  We were always short on money so making a family meal with my aunt, uncle, cousin and grandmother was always the time when we were together.  The family message was "food IS love". I love you wasn't said a lot because my mom and her sisters were raised in a way that telling people you love them or hugging them was a weakness.  Let me tell you~ I was the ultimate black sheep of the family because I was so affectionate.  

    I think it's wonderful that you are able to give money to your family.  Not many people have that ability these days, and often if they do they don't want to share it with anyone.  My great aunt does the same thing that you do ~ she'll send checks and cards but never goes to family gatherings.  It's been almost 12 years since I saw her last. I miss her.

    I understand Les.  I always end up cancelling at the last minute on almost everything.  I'm sorry that your sister doesn't understand what's really going on, but all she can see is what your absence does to her children.  Have you tried talking to her about your difficulties in this?

    I love and think the world of you and I hope that both of us can find a way to make it to those things that we haven't been going to. 

    I hope you have a Merry Christmas.   Love always ~ Keya

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