I literally just discovered this site a few hours ago, having been looking around for a depression community to join, and I have to say I'm already so thankful I found this place.

I've been hanging out in the chat room and talking to some really interesting people. I don't even have to talk about my problems, I can just join in on the stuff people are already talking about and it helps me to feel better just to have social connections with others who find life hard too.

I'd been having an absolutely rotten day before I signed up and joined the chatroom. I've had the flu all weekend and now I've had to take today off work (it's Monday where I am). I didn't sleep well at all last night because I cried for about an hour and a half before I got to sleep. Woke up and my eyes were horribly puffy, plus I was still feeling unwell from flu so I took the day off, but I always feel really guilty when I take a sick day. When I was younger my mum used to get angry at me when I was sick, so now I kind of expect that if I take a sick day my work colleagues are going to hate me. (Thankfully, this is not the case. My boss has been really good about it.)

But I've been by myself all day cos my hubby went to work and I've spent the majority of the day trying not to burst into tears and failing two thirds of the time. I think I'm going through an episode of what I think is called "anticipatory grief" and I don't know how to get myself out of it – though as I said earlier logging into the chatroom and just talking with people about random things has helped because my mind has been less on the grief and more on random/funny stuff.

I'm wondering if it might be worthwhile purchasing some stand up comedian dvds for times when I'm feeling crappy, then my hubby can put them on for me and it'll take my mind off stuff. Stand up comedy always cheers me up.

Anyway, my reason for joining here is so that I can keep a regular diary of what's going on in my life and hopefully get encouraging feedback from others on the site. I've always found keeping a completely secret diary not very fulfilling because when I share my emotions I want them to be heard/witnessed by someone else. I need to connect with somebody. I hope there will be people here willing to make friendships and share experiences with me, too.