So I have officially decided I now HAVE to leave my job (see previous post).
I was feeling really down because not only is there nowhere for me to go up in my job, I also have no friends. I mean, I have about 3 girls I talk to occasionally on work IM or stop by their cubes to say hi. But no one who truly cares about me (as in makes the time to hang out with me). A couple of the girls and I used to hang out all the time…now it’s like never. So I was feeling down about all that when one of the girls, who used to be my almost-best-friend, but we grew apart over these last couple years, asked me to come up and visit her at her cube. There are two buildings where I work, each with four floors. She’s in building 1, I’m in building 2 on the 1st floor, and they’re connected with a lobby in the middle. Turns out…she just moved to the 3rd floor of building 1. So I go up there wanting to say hi…and get lost and pass by my ex-roommate’s cube. Now, my ex-roommate is absolutely the hugest BITCH and PSYCHOPATH on THE planet (just so you know, I don’t normally curse). We had a huge disagreement about the cleanliness of a house. I believed in actually sharing responsibilities and keeping things neat, like actually cleaning the shared toilet at least once in 5 months (if not preferably every other week…but I was pushing for at least once every 5 mos) – she didn’t, it was her house, so I moved out. We even went to the church and tried to have a mediator work it all out…why I say she’s a psychopath is because she is literally insane. She cried during our meeting about how she just wanted us to be friends and for things to be nice and sweet and while she wanted me to move out, she wanted us to see each other and be MORE than civil, maybe even friends. Because I have to see her not only at work, but church, and at this prayer internship we both used to be in (but I quit). Well, not only are we not friends like she cried about us wanting to be, we aren’t civil, nor has she made an effort to be. Instead, she has remained immensely immature and when I pass her and try to greet her with at least a hi and a smile, and sometimes try to make conversation, she just keeps walking, staring straight ahead, pretending I don’t even exist. That is the pure definition of psychopath- a person with a lying pattern and able to act in manipulative ways to get what they want (I only got half my deposit back even though she should’ve paid me all of it since she was kicking ME out), as obviously, the whole crying routine was just so she could get the mediator on her side. She didn’t mean any of it.
Anyhow, I got sick of trying to be nice to her, so now I just do my best to avoid her.
So back to the girl who is supposedly my friend…unfortunately, she is friends with my ex-roommate, because she can’t see her for the psychotic bitch she is.
Anyhow, so I’m up there on the 3rd floor, passing my ex-roommate’s cube, when it hits me – oh my gosh, now every time I want to see my friend, I’m going to run into the possibility of running into my ex-roommate who is insisting on being an uncivilized, moronic Christian. Sure enough, I turn around, and see my friend’s cube…which turns out to not ONLY be on the same gigantic floor, but in fact, is just a few cubes over from my ex-roommates’!!! But it only gets worse from there…I then notice my ex-roommate doing her angelic sweet giggle (which is how she has my friend completely fooled into her being a sweet person) and giving my friend a backrub in her cube. NICE. I turn around and go back downstairs, where I proceed to cry about how my life couldn’t possibly get any worse. I’m in a dead-end job where I have no friends, one of the few friends I have has literally been sold over to the devil and her evil ways, yadda yadda yadda.
Oh, but my day could get worse. The second I sit down in my seat, my co-worker pops his head over my cube and says “did you hear we’re moving on the 9th?” and I was like “no, where to?” And he says….yep, you guessed it – the 3rd floor in the first building.
I just broke down sobbing. And now, as soon as I finish posting this, I am going to leave for the day. Only having worked 2 hours. But I don't care. I have vacation time, and I can't survive at this desk for the rest of the day.
That settles it. I am getting out of here as fast as I possibly can. There is no way I can handle seeing my roommate’s face every day for the next 4 months (until my little 6 person department moves again back over to this building and on the new 4th floor they’re finishing up), or hearing her fake laugh every time she goes over to visit my friend.
I would say that my day couldn’t possibly get worse. But I just learned from that that it always can.
I don’t know. At this point, I am feeling utterly helpless, like there is no escape. The pressure is so strong I want to do the only thing that can give me some escape, some release…end my life. But I can’t. I have too much debt, I can’t leave my parents (or whoever would be) responsible with that. And really, that’s about the only thing keeping me here. In 4 years when I pay it all off, I’ll be out.